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2023-12-02 - 2:51 p.m.
I might be freaking out. I'm turning fifty tomorrow. I'm usually really good at suffocating traumatic stuff and burying it away in a coma like state. But I don't think that's what happening right now. I'm freaking the fuck out. I lie about my age. I always put myself a year older so I can get used to my age before it happens. And this past year, I've been holding on hard to, "I'm fifty" but I was forty nine. This is a climatic birthday coming up tomorrow. I don't know what to do. It can't be a normal Whismas because I have no money and things are very tumultuous in this wing of Whisper world. I would have loved to have a Whismas of the past where I made a bunch of decadent food and had decadent wine and desserts. But it's just not gonna happen this year. And, I do have people in my life who would throw me a 50'th party...but that's not what I like to do on my birthday. So I'm just going to have a woe is me fifty year FIFTY old party and lay in bed and cry. And then get up in the morning on the 4th and tackle this next part of my life. God fucking damnit. Next year I'm going to have an epic Whismas. I promise. |
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