2022-10-09 - 2:23 p.m.

Ooof. That was a week. Last week the schedule was posted, it would have been my first schedule on not as a trainee...and the woman who does the schedule forgot to put me on for the two week period the schedule is posted for. That day, when the schedule I was so excited to see was posted and I wasn't on it, was already emotionally trying for me. It was a total bummer of a day. But I took control and called my boss (and later I called my mother and downloaded all my emotional trials on her) and told her I wasn't on the schedule and she was confused and horrified and put me on two doubles as an extra person which pissed the catty servers off (more on them later) and then told me to post on the scheduling app that I would pick up any shifts. Which ended up being a lot. I actually had overtime this week. Anyway, I have today off. I slept until 11:45, which was fine because I had planned to stay in bed all day and read, watch some movies and take a few naps. But then I looked outside and it's beautiful, too beautiful. So I'm currently sitting outside trying to work up the motivation to do some yard work. But so far all I've done was feed the birds and deer and wandered around the garden for a bit, wishing I had planted more hot peppers this year. Only one little plant of numex twilights this year. No cayenne even. I don't know what I was thinking. I just didn't have it in me to tend to things. Next year will be better.

Speaking of why I didn't have it in me...this ear thing is literally killing me, at least killing my spirit. I almost broke down in tears at a table last night because I simply cannot hear anything. I managed to get through the order and I then slipped out the back door and did cry a bit. It's all so frustrating. Not only can I not hear concise words but all background noise is amplified while at the same time it's like I'm under water. Anyway, I went to the ENT on Thursday and had yet another hearing test and exam. He says it's definitely time for hearing aids as my hearing has not improved at all and has, in fact, become slightly worse. So I go on the 17th to begin that process. I'm very depressed about this. Ten months of sheer frustration now. So far I've kept my hearing loss hidden from everyone at my new job. I just have to avoid conversations with people and try to ask as few questions as possible so I don't have to try to hear answers. So far it's been ok. I'm waiting tables at this point, it will probably be another month or so before I start bartending. Waiting tables is ok because I just have to hear one person at a time and if need be I can get right into their face to hear them. Tending bar will be different so I need to be able to hear before then. The only good thing about this torture is that when I can hear again, it's probably going to be complete euphoria for me. It's going to be a huge weight off my mired being.

Kitties are good. Shockingly, they were all in last night when I got home around midnight. So all I had to do was shut their door and feed them instead of wandering around my pitch black yard trying to collect all of them from their various nighttime stalking spots. It was nice to just be able to make some food, wash my feet and face and get in bed. However, I did wake up at 5 am. Ado usually gets antsy around that time and I have to let him outside or else he just causes complete havoc until I open the cat door around 8. After I let him out I do a quick walkthrough of the house to check on all the kitties and stuff. I usually double check the timer on the coffee maker and make sure there aren't any floods in laundry room or that the microwave hasn't spontaneously blown up and that all the doors are locked and, you know, just ocd paranoia type stuff. Well, I did my walkthrough downstairs and all was fine and peaceful and I came upstairs and it was quiet and peaceful, no floods, coffee maker set, no fires, Daisy and Lou were in their normal spots sleeping and...where Oiseau usually sleeps, was an opossum. On a heating pad. In the house. And Oiseau was in his second choice sleeping spot looking a little grumpy about it. Since it wasn't time to open the door for the kitties to go out, I had to let the opossum stay the rest of the night. He left this morning when I let the cats out. I really can't help hoping he comes back tonight.

I'm still in fall over in swoon love.


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