2004-07-11 - 6:15 a.m.

The majority of things in my house are junk. Seriously. Junk. I have no business or good reason for keeping anything in this house except maybe my bed and my couches and of course knick knacks and my books. But the furniture is all shit. It is easy to think that I will just put all this stuff on the curb and put a "free" sign on it. But when I actually get ready to do that I halt in my tracks. I will start pulling the shelves out of the bathroom and think..."oh I can't get rid of these, this was the first thing I bought for this house, remember? That day Mario and I went to Shipshewana and I bought these and on the way back home a fox ran right under my tires and it was horrifying because I not only killed an animal, but I killed a FOX and then my clutch starting getting soft and I had to get a new clutch that next week?' Then I will start pulling my dresser out of my bedroom and I think, "I can't get rid of this, my grandfather Larry bought this for me. Remember? We went to Naked Furniture and got this dresser and a desk and my brother and I sat outside at Orchard Street staining and varnishing our new furniture and of course his looked better than mine because he did everything better?" Then the stupid table that I found in my basement when I moved in...I start to move that and I start thinking, "I can't get rid of this table, I am pretty sure it has been here for 100 years and remember when I found it up in that crawlspace and it was Halloween and I had lived her for a month and I started painting it by flashlight in the backroom so no one would think I was here because I didn't want to deal with trick or treaters? And it turned out so cool the way I painted it, I will never be able to make another table look so cool."

Anyway, it's insane. I realize that I get way too attached to things. I have known that for a long time. But now it is getting really stupid.

Eric went to Spain this weekend and was shown around some towns, looking for a town for us to live. I am REALLY nervous about where I might end up living. With the exception of three months when I was 19, I have ALWAYS lived in a house. I don't think I could live in an apartment. Mostly because of other people and their noise. And because I get paranoid about my noise and end up having to be really quiet and careful and I don't like that. And, in Europe I think we will be hard pressed to find a house that actually has any sort of yard. I am spoiled. I have a big yard. I shudder to think about living right next to someone else AND not having a yard. I need space. But on the other hand, something that is really important to me is to be close to a town, within walking distance to the grocery store, because I won't have a car for a while (if ever) there and I need to be able to still function. So finding a house close to town and still with space around is going to be really difficult. I am really nervous.

Still have no idea about the wedding thing. As of right now we are going with the Sleeping Bear idea. But now there is talk about having the wedding in Muskegon...I have requested that minds be made up by Monday. I need to know and I also have to get the permit to get married in Sleeping Bear and I am not sending in $50 until I know for sure.

I don't want to go to work today. I am dreading it. Sundays are the worst thing in the world at work. Way too many people. It's so odd that back when I worked at a dinner restaurant Sunday was the worst day to work because it was so boring. Now Sunday is the worst day because we are so busy and so chaotic that I don't have time to even take a drink of water.



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