2004-07-11 - 7:25 p.m.

One of the dumbest questions people ask at the restaurant is, "Do you have orange juice?"

But it gets worse. I get asked a lot if our orange juice has pulp. I get asked if it is fresh squeezed, I get asked if it is from a machine, I get asked if it is good, I get asked if it is sweet, I get asked if it is sour, I get asked if it is from concentrate, I get asked if it is cold, I get asked if it is 100% juice...and today I got asked if it was low acid.


I had this little scenario going through my head after that today. I imagined going to a table and after asking what kind of toast someone wanted, whole wheat, white, rye, raisin or sourdough? (which is what I say to almost every single person that comes in because no one just comes out and says "I'll have two eggs, over easy and wheat toast," they always say, "I'll have two eggs and toast," and then I have to ask how they want their eggs (and usually have to go through a list of ways to get eggs because no one knows how eggs can be cooked and will look at me like I am an idiot) and then what kind of toast they want...anyway, I had this vision of a waitress at a table and she says, "do you want your eggs scrambled, over easy, over medium, over hard, poached, basted, over well, hard boiled or folded?" Then she asks, "do you want a muffin, toast, a bagel or biscuit? A muffin? Do you want blueberrry, bran, banana nut, cheese, lemon poppyseed, chocolate chip, triple berry, oatmeal, peanut butter or cranberry orange?" Then, waitress says, "and what would you like to drink? Orange juice? Do you want fresh squeezed with pulp or without pulp, from concentrate, Sunny Delite, Tropicana, Tropicana with calcium, Tropicana with extra C or low acid? And would you like small, medium or large?"

We have way too many choices in this land of plenty. And it just fucks people up.

I also had a customer today who replied when I asked if he wanted pancakes, muffin or toast with his omelet said he would have the pancake muffin and I said, "which one?" and he said, "pancake muffin," and I said, "you want both? It only comes with one of the three," and he said, "I know, I want the muffin, the pancake muffin." Sigh.

I have to go to bed now


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