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2002-01-03 - 5:26 p.m.
Oh did I prance around today. I am still feeling the exhileration of yelling at those kids last night. I hope this isn't what it feels like when you have your own children and yell at them. Of course, I decided long ago that I would never raise my voice at my children. But still....what if I accidently did and I got this rush of power thing going? I would not be able to live with myself. I think I'll just appreciate this feeling I am having and swear that I will never yell at a teenager again. I really did act like a bad ass all day today. I kept saying, "You don't want to mess with me." So this is the pressing question of the week. My ex-boyfriend has asked me to go to Florida with him in nine days. For the usual two weeks. I'm in a tizzy. We always have such a nice time, very relaxing and the trip is virtually free since we stay at the house for free, right on Hollywood beach. He and I have a pretty good relationship going on when he isn't acting like an idiot. I mean, we are good at being friends, in fact that's one of the things that went wrong in our relationship, we were just too platonic. My friend Kathy says, "NOOOOOO, don't go, wrong idea." My boss called me an idiot but everyone else is all for it. I mean, who would pass up a cheap trip? By the way when my boss called me an idiot I asked why he would say such a thing and he told me it was because Jon was just going to try to suck me back in. I told him I could only be sucked in if I wanted to and if I wanted to be it wasn't a bad thing was it? He still didn't like the idea though I suspect it has nothing to do with the fact I am going with JOn and everything to do with the fact that he has to cover 18 shifts and find someone to tend his plants and make his orders. So there. I just don't know what to do. The only thing really stopping me is the fact that I really was looking forward to taking a week off and locking myself in my house without clocks or phones. I was interested to see what could happen to a person if they were completely shut off from time. And I wanted to buy a laptop this week. Can't do that if I'm going to Florida. I am still plodding through the Robbins book. I have two pieces of paper filled with quotes thus far and I'm only 1/2 way through the book. This book is particularly filled with some awesome lines and thoughts. I'm going to go practice meditation now. After I look through my new Toscano catalog!! Someday I'll have beautiful things too!
I'm adding to this entry right now. Just called Jon and told him I wasn't going. Various reasons. Anyway, I suddenly got upset because I remembered the cat that lives down there that always stops and visits us. Have no idea where she comes from but the first year she was a kitten, now five years later she is a cat and she always walks in the house when we get there and stays for the two weeks. Somehow I feel a sort of relief every year when I get to check on her.
So now I'm drinking beer. I no longer get drunk from one Guiness. This depresses me. I used to drink one beer and be wasted. Now I can drink three and barely feel a thing. This all began a year ago in Georgia with my friends. I guess a week of straight drinking builds a tolerence that lasts a long time.
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