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2001-12-21 - 5:37 p.m.
Today I learned a little HTML crap. I bought a book on it actually but got frustrated and gave up once I knew the basic premise. I will dabble now, here and there; one of these days this page will be beautiful. Notice the semicolon I inserted within that sentence? Today a professor from WMU who had read my story in the paper told me I use too many commas. Thankfully I was in rare form today and was able to retort back, "That's why authors have editors sir, your advice is of no importance to me." Today brought on my first bout of Christmas excitement this year. It was wonderful. Even with the lack of snow and the multitude of mud I am able to muster enough Christmas spirit to feel like a child again when receiving little gifts from customers. My favorite present today? A large and decadent box of homemade truffles. MMMMMMMMM.......this particular customer has known of my disasterous love of sublime truffles for years and has always managed to bring me a box of commercially produced truffles on a regualr basis. But today he went beyond the call of duty and brought me these gorgeous little beauties. They make me feel like a queen. Now I have to decide whether I would like to eat the whole box NOW and feel like a guilty glutton for a day or eat them one day at a time and feel a minor pang of guilt daily for sixteen days. It is a conundrum. Lunch with my ex today. I know, I know...our five year relationship is over, we need to move on....BUT.....I don't want him out of my life. He is the most intelligent, honest and pure person I have ever known in my life. How I wish that he had an inkling of emotion within him, how I wish he had just the merest amount of passion within him, how I wish I believed he loved me enough to spend his life with me. And how I wish he didn't annoy me so damn much. Someday I might find a man who doesn't use the same quotes from movies over and over as a way of expression. Someday I might find a man who likes to touch me, who doesn't wake in the middle of the night in irritation if so much as my toe touches his leg. Someday I'll find a nice, intelligent, cultured, vegetarian, Italian man with whom I can share this life but for now I am happiest being alone, not sharing a life with someone who is ALMOST perfect. So even though I can't share my life with Jon I love him none-the-less and would rather marry him then let him disappear from my life completely. ANYWAY....at lunch today I noticed that he and I almost try to outdo one another with symptoms of our agony in trying to heal from this breakup. This is a sample of our conversation, not verbatim but pretty damn close. J.- "You look even skinnier then you did last week." W.- "I've been having trouble eating again." J.- "Yeah, me too, people keep commenting on how much weight I've lost." W.- "Kathy thinks I have an eating disorder because I never eat at work and I look like shit all the time what with no eating and no sleeping." J.- "You're not sleeping again?" W.- "I either sleep all the time or never." J. "I don't even have to set an alarm anymore because I wake up every fifteen minutes in a panic." W.- "WAITER!!!!! I NEED ANOTHER DRINK. WHERE IN THE HELL ARE MY CIGARETTES?" And it goes on like that. It's really pathetic. Yes, we have both lost weight and yes, we both have sleep trouble but the more I think about it I realize that my symptoms come more from the anxiety of finally taking steps to make a life for myself. Not from sadness. I mean, I am sad but not sad to the point that I don't eat. I'm having a hell of a time writing because I'm too scared I am using too many commas and can think of nothing else but trying not to use that little piece of punctuation. Who was it that used commas a lot? I think Hemingway. Maybe I'll just become the female author known for her over use of the comma. Shortest day of the year today. From this point on the days will only get longer. I'm not sure I like this phase. I think I like it better after the first day of summer when the days get shorter. I really think my days are too long anyway. I am going to study more HTML now. Maybe by tomorrow I will be able to add a picture to my diary. EXCITING FRIDAY NIGHT!!! |
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