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2001-12-19 - 8:28 p.m.
My doppelganger pulled up next me at a red light today. Okay, so she didn't look like me in any way, BUT...she was gripping the steering wheel with white, impatient fingers while smoking a cigarette as if it were the only air she would receive today and talking to light saying, "Turn green, turn green..." over and over again. She even peeled out when the light complied. We must learn patience my doppleganger and I. For those of you who wear these long sweaters, I think they are being called dusters, that are so in style, please be aware that you must either remove the sweater or at least grip both ends of the tie in your hands before sitting on a public toilet. THis afternoon there was a minor episode in the ladies room at Mervyns as my sweater tie fell into the much used water of a public toilet. In my panic I jumped up only to have the wet, offending piece of my sweater flop against my bare thigh at which time I emitted a very loud, "FUCK!!!" remembering too late that I was in a public restroom and there were small children occupying the space as well. So then I reprimanded myself outloud so they could hear that swearing is not acceptable. Then I got embarrassed and stayed within the confines of the stall until I was sure that everyone that witnessed my faceless insanity had vacated. I threw the disgusting piece of yarn in a sink and pumped as much soap as I could on it and just let the hot water stream out for a few minutes. The whole ordeal was reminiscent of a time at work when I noticed a wet spot on the toilet and decided I'd be a good employee and clean it up before a customer saw it and decided we were a dirty restaurant and never come back. I turned to grab some toilet paper and my apron string brushed through the spot at which time I found out that this was not just a mere wet spot, this was a large chunk of throat gunk someone had coughed up and spit in the general direction of the toilet. As I was running from the bathroom I noticed that the gelatinous mess was hanging in a big glop from the end of my apron string. Just FYI, spit is second on my list of things that disgust me. Anyway, I emerged from the bathroom gagging, screaming and crying. According to my co-workers I was white as a ghost. I seriously couldn't eat or drink anything for the rest of the day. The episode today kind of has that same feel. I almost feel like soaking in a bath of bleach. Christmas shopping was completed. I am relieved and almost excited about THE BIG DAY now. Almost. If only it would snow..... |
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