DELVING BETWEEN THE TOES OF LIFE....I AM TOEJAM


2001-12-23 - 5:04 a.m.

The other morning there was an ad for some dating service on the radio. There was a plain sounding woman talking about her experience. She said, "I no longer sit at home on Friday nights". Like sitting home on Friday night was something only lonely, single people do. I looked around in a sudden panic and asked my friend Kathy if I was some sort of loser because I never go out on the weekends. Of course she reminded me that it isn't as though I don't have the opportunity to go out, I just choose not to. Which is true, there are ample opportunities for me to do something on the weekends, I just don't want to. Stilll last night as I went to bed at 5:30 I kept thinking that I was a big loser, some single girl who has nothing to do but crawl in bed at 5:30 with a book.

Got up at 2 o'clock this morning. It's funny, I got up even before the Sunday paper came out, before most of my friends were just getting in for the evening. I love mornings like this, it is so quiet and I know the phone won't ring, no one will knock at the door, I don't have to worry about calls I have to make or anything else because the rest of the world is asleep. I spent a little time on my deck this morning with a huge cup of cappuccino watching the stars. I missed two big meteor showers this year because of hazy skies and I got a little frustrated outside this morning because for the past five days the skies have been absolutely clear. I kept trying to will a star to fall or something, just felt like seeing a celestial phenomenon this morning. Needed something to make me gaze in wonderment.

Glycolic acid. That is what has finally made my skin clear up. What a horrible three weeks this has been. Finally I went to the dermatologist. I got scared. I was convinced that I was dying and my skin was the organ that was showing the symptoms of death. I am still not convinced that there isn't something else wrong with me besides stress. I am such a true believer that the whole body is connected and if something is wrong elsewhere in the body things will start showing up in something else. But the doctor says it's just a stress related hormonal imbalance. I could have gotten some medication to take orally but I opted for the less interfering choice of a topical solution. It burns the CRAP out of my face but it seems to be working. We'll see.

My beautiful box of truffles met an untimely death last night. I had them on top of my monitor yesterday and forgot about them. I woke this morning to find every single one of them melted into one large box shaped mess. What a disappointment. It does lessen the anxiety about whether I will eat them all in one fell swoop or eat them over the course of a couple weeks, but I miss them now. I wish I had eaten them all last night.

Not feeling like myself the last two days. I feel decidedly blah. I'm sure my three readers are feeling cheated since there have been no experiments in the last couple entries, nothing wonderful and I apologize. I started this diary because I needed a medium in which to record the funny little happenings in my day. IT's been very helpful to my writing to have this diary because I now look for the funny things in life, I spend most of my day looking for stories to write about and that it a good thing. I guess nothing has happened lately, OR I haven't been looking in the right places for stories to share. I am reminded of an e-mail I got from my brother at the beginning of the summer. I keep it posted on my wall because it meant a lot to me, made a lot of sense to me and I read it whenever I am having trouble writing anything worth a damn. SO...here is what he wrote me.

....I hope you can give up a little so you can let yourself be the person that you are. You just need to surrender and realize that every horrible thought or painful experience you have is easily transformed into an amusing anectdote, a valuable life lesson, and a depressing story with which to manipulate the opposite sex. You just have to take notice of the times when the tears are falling into your lap making it look like you pissed yourself. You can wear that wet spot like a badge because you know where it came from. The truth is though that people would rather hear about you pissing yourself....

So that's it. People want to read funny stuff and stuff is construed as funny mostly when it is something painful or humiliating to the person it is happening to. WHy is that? People chuckle if I stumble a little at work, but they are on the ground rolling with laughter if I actually fall.

So today I promise I will try to put myself in situations that are humiliating and painful so I have a good story to brighten your day the next time I write. This morning when I got up it was 45 degrees outside. It is now 34 degrees. That is weird. Could it be that we just MIGHT get a white Christmas?

Have a good day all.

|


Get your own
 diary at DiaryLand.com! contact me older entries

previous - next

Get your own
 diary at DiaryLand.com! contact me older entries

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at DiaryLand.com!
www.flickr.com