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2023-12-29 - 5:15 p.m.
I stooped to a new level of low today. I don't know, my stealing forks that I like from restaurants is one thing. The fact that I have used a Sharpie as eyeliner a few times in the last month because I can't find my eyeliner and can't justify buying eyeliner on my budget and the fact that I pick up discarded rubber bands from parking lots is another (I do wash them). But now...I've gone too far. Chris got bamboozled by the tanning bed owner where I go. He wanted to get me a gift certificate for my birthday so he went in there and asked the owner what I normally get and he told him "a month unlimited". Which is not what I get. I get a package of three visits and spread them out through winter. Anyway, for the month of December, I can go there any time. I'm pretty f-ing bronzed. I've never used lotions at tanning beds but...I've become a disgusting person (well, more disgusting) and I've been picking the used packages of bronzing lotion out of the garbage and using the remnants. This all started a couple months ago when I went in there and there was practically a half a packet of bronzing cream in the garbage bin. I said, f it, I'll use it. Those things aren't cheap and I'm the least wasteful person I know. I cut the end off the toothpaste tube and use every last bit. So, yeah, I took garbage out of a tanning bed garbage bin and used it. It didn't do one thing. So, after that, it became a "science" project. I will take the remnants from the bin and use it on one appendage or another for my sessions. And, so far, and I've been going a lot. There is no difference between an un slathered arm and the slathered arm. ANYWAY. Today, during my dumpster dive at the tanning bed...I found a bunch of heart stickers. You know, people put this shit on their skin to make tan lines and be sexy or whatever it is they are attempting. And what did this girl do? Oh, she took a used heart sticker from the garbage can at a tanning bed and put it on her boob for her fourteen minute session. Yep. Used, trashy, trash sticker on my boob. I'm really something. After that whole shame fest, I came home and made a meal I used to make myself on Floria. I've had a day and I needed some comfort and I had already done shameful things so why not eat something shameful. We lived on Floria Road when I was a kid. It was quite a time. My brother wrote a song about it and I've written boxes of stories about our time there. All I can say now is...it was quite a time. I started cooking by myself really young. We were on Orchard St. at that time and I would make food for myself and my brother after school. Not that my parents didn't have food for us, but I wanted something different than apples and peanut butter and homemade yogurt. So I would make it. I was really good at making veggie sloppy joes but one of my favorites was campbells vegetarian vegetable soup to which I would add extra noodles and stir in American cheese and a side of French cut green beans with butter and a piece of white bread with butter. That's what I ate for dinner today. There was a big guilt in me that I didn't at least make the soup from scratch or cut fresh beans myself. But, after my gross tanning session, I went to the store and I got the Campbells and Kroger brand can of French cut beans and a pack of American cheese and I went for it. And, that was so satisfying. It was a hug that I didn't know existed but I really needed. Thank god I only bought one can of soup and one can of beans or else I would probably be eating that meal for breakfast, too. |
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