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2023-09-18 - 3:26 p.m.
I'm pretty fucking skinny. I mean, for a fifty year old going through menopause. But, I'm skinny. I wear extra small shirts and size 4 pants. I've worn a 34 b bra for most of my life and I was proud of being average at least. But I think I gotta go down to 32 A now. Bodies get weird when you get to this age. All my shapes are different than they were twenty years ago. Back in the day of Little House on the Prairie...I was obsessed (probably not a healthy obsession) with Charles being able to wrap his hands around Caroline's waist. So I always measured myself that way. Can I wrap my hands around my waist. And, lord god in heaven. I can't anymore. I weigh less than I did when I was thirty (I'll be fifty in a couple months), but my body has changed so dramatically. It would take two people to get all their hands around my waist now and I have no boobs at all. Distressing. I don't like it. I'm a vain f*ck. Anyway. When I broke my fucking back, I stopped taking my usual five mile walk or exercising in any way (obviously). The other day I went to work, the town was flooded with people and, although I've lived here for fifteen years, I never actually parked anywhere other than Kroger. We always just walked down when we went out. So now that I work in town, I have a usual parking spot. But that whole lot was taken when I got there. So I parked my Edwin elsewhere. And then I had an annoying night at work and then I clocked out and didn't remember where Edwin was and didn't care to even attempt to find her. Like, no care. At all. So I walked out the employee door and scoffed (which I'm really good at doing), and walked home. Which was a blessing. My back is mostly healed. But it's been difficult to get back to a healthy exercise routine. That angry walk home the other day and the angry walk back down town to retrieve Edwin really sparked something back in my soul. I just got back from a five mile walk. I didn't take my phone or listen to music or anything. I'm getting back to myself. |
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