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2023-08-23 - 2:09 p.m.
I've been waiting on Walt and Nancy for something like fifteen years. They are the nicest people I've ever known. Nancy is now under hospice care. And, yesterday, after I had been holding Nancy's hand and telling her all the things I wanted to say and tell her for at least an hour while she was absolutely incoherent in her hospital bed that was set up in the family room, I thought it was time for me to say goodbye. Her family was fixing dinner and I wanted to talk to Walt for a bit. He was just sitting in his office drinking scotch and looking out the window. So I said, "I love you Nancy, you're the nicest person I've ever known" And she squeezed my hand. She hasn't been aware of anything in days. The doctor says she has maybe three days left of being alive. And she squeezed my hand. My mom has been going to get her masters degree. Her focus is to become an end of life doula. So I've become pretty cognizant of life and death. In the past years, I flee from the actual dying part but I'll attend all the funerals and write pretty messages in cards to the family who I don't really know very well. Which a shitty way to do things. I really wanted to say the things I wanted to say to Nancy while she is still alive. I didn't just want to go to her funeral with a card for her family and not have told her how important she was to so many people. I hope she heard all the things I had to tell her. Because, she is a very beautiful light in this world. Lights are gonna dim in the next couple days. Walt and I talked for half an hour or so in the office. I made him laugh a lot. His sons and daughter in laws walked me out and thanked me for making their parents happy all these years. And I cried. We all cried. She's a lovely , lovely woman. This world is going to miss a piece. Her daughter's in law sat with me for a bit and I told them about Whisper Wednesdays and how Nancy was my favorite person because she was always so happy and they said, "Nancy would always rather laugh than cry." So that's it. That's my moving forth motto. |
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