|
2023-06-26 - 12:41 p.m.
I've been wearing a pinky ring for my mother for a bit now. I made one for each of us with star beads. My mom got a shooting star tattoo way back when and my brother and I both got star tattoos when we were old enough (and I'm planning to take my youngest brother in for one asap). So stars are a thing between us and looking at this silly ring made of cheap star beads puts me with my family. One time after chemo she just started chanting "shrinky shrinky" to the tumor. She kept chanting shrinky shrinky so I started doing a pinky for the shrinky campaign. Our pinky toenails are painted yellow (that's the color she's meditating with) and we have our pinky rings. I'm not handling this well. And having that pinky ring is kind of grounding for me. I touch it all day long to just put myself back in a place. I lost my fucking star pinky ring the other day. I've been losing everything but that's another story. Anyway, when getting ready to go to work that morning and not having my ring and knowing I wouldn't deal well with that, I put my old engagement ring on my pink just to get me through the day. It's kind of too big but it fit well enough with my menopausal fatness. The ring makes me very sad. And I'm going to talk about all that tomorrow-ish. But, anyway, anyway, I've been working a billion doubles and I was very over it that day (and I have lot to talk about about work, Jesus god, it's awful and I said out loud that I could murder a certain person). I got to work that morning and was pretty grouchy but prepared. I had my pinky ring, food from home and a big cup of tea and a coffee with whipped cream and it was going to be a good day even though I had started my horrible menopause period and was miserable. Anyway, I got to stocking before open and as I was pulling myself together and making sure my pants were zipped and earrings in and all the stuff to make myself presentable before we unlocked the doors, I realized my ring, my pretty pretty garnet, was missing. So I went into a frantic panic of pacing the restaurant and retraced all my steps. I cried walking up and down the sidewalk from my car to the restaurant. I'm pretty good at shutting down. And I did. I alerted everybody about the loss of my ring and to keep an eye out for it. And then I shut down. Two hours later, I found it in a bag of rosemary. Fast forward to many hours later after work. I went to my boyfriend's house to meet some family (mostly to be able to cuddle a baby. I've been baby deprived). And I knew I had my ring on when I had arrived there because I wanted to look my best after my stupid long shift. I had been there about half an hour, cuddling the baby, and I went to touch my ring to ground myself and it was gone. We tore the couch apart and I said to not worry because I knew for sure it was in the house and it would show up eventually. I gave the baby up because he was getting grouchy and wanted food and the mom came in to feed him and poured out some of his snacks (which were very ironically shaped like stars) and my ring was in the bag. Anyway, I made myself a new star pinky ring and put my old engagement ring in the fire safe (it's not worth any money, don't bother breaking in even if I just told you where it is). I need a new job or to find new jobs for a couple people I work with so I can stay where I am. And I need to get rid of some other stuff. This life-ing stinks in a lot of ways. I kind of understand why a lot of people just delve into domestication. I've started to buy lottery tickets. And on my to do list is "get an agent". I plan to be famous within the year. I've had it with this nonsense. |
| 