2008-09-18 - 9:28 a.m.
I've been looking for the cord to my digital camera for months. I have not been able to take pictures off my camera since February-ish. It's ridiculous. I must find that cord.
I have to clean the house today because we have a guest coming tonight. And also because tomorrow we are leaving for Muskegon for an overnight trip and we are leaving the cats in the care of a catsitter. I am very nervous about this. The one and only time I tried a catsitter there was a huge mistake committed that could have very possibly put my cat into a hypoglycemic coma. So I am freaking out. Also, I am writing a lengthy instruction manual for the poor woman. Anyway. I hope this all goes well because it would be REALLY nice to feel confident enough to leave for say, TWO DAYS! someday. I was thinking to bail on this wedding we are going to tomorrow because for one thing I am crampy and haggy right now and for another, I just don't want to go. But it is imperative that I get this cat sitter thing going because in a couple weeks...
FABIEN WILL BE HERE!! (our friend from France) And we want to take him to Chicago for a few days.
In other news. Yesterday when I got to work (at 6:30 am) my boss was already there (he normally doesn't show up until 10). He said in his gruffest, most menacing voice, "we need to talk." I got GIDDY thinking that he was going to yell at me finally (he yells at people in a very demeaning and awful way) and I would be able to just throw the restaurant key at him and walk out the door with plenty of time to go home and nap before going out to find another job. I was GIDDY I tell you, so desperate for a reason to leave. (because apparently making less than $30 a day isn't enough for me)
So, just as he went into his office to wait for me this woman came in. She comes in every morning and she is very dramatic and very loud and VERY annoying. She has literally chased all the morning customers away. Two of them told me they would be back once Linda went to Florida for the winter. Anyway, so she comes in and she starts talking to me about her mother who recently passed away. And she did not stop, not even one pause in the flow of words, for forty five minutes. And no one else came in the doors so I could not just walk away from her. Finally someone else came in (but not before my eye started twitching again) and I ran away and she started talking to them and I went in the back totally ready to just walk out the door but instead I get this...
"What I needed to talk to you about is the health department. We had some temperature issues yesterday when they were here and I just wanted to talk to you about it and tell you what needs to be done because you are the only one who gets things done thoroughly."
So then I spent the rest of the fucking day solving temperature issues.
And made $22.
I HAVE GOT TO GO. GOT TO. WHY AREN'T I JUST GOING? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Eric is still talking about changing jobs and sending his resume to Portland. If I really thought that moving and changing jobs would put him a better position to be happy I would go, I would be VERY receptive to it in fact. Because he's been miserable since we moved to Spain. And it is really difficult for me to enjoy anything when my spouse is so totally miserable with everything. But I am certain that moving and changing jobs will not change anything. I think he needs to stay here, put in his eight hours of work a day and NOT focus on it. He makes his work his whole life and his whole focus and shit...if it isn't working for you to do that and there is nothing you can do to make it better...then find something else to fucking focus on. I get so mad. And I've been holding it in. (I know, DUMB!) I mean, I've REALLY been holding it in and and I am getting to a point right now where I feel as though I am going to snap. I kept thinking if I just waited out his misery one day I would wake up and find a happy husband. But he is just getting worse. And now there is the election stuff. And holy shit. I just don't know what I can do. What I do know is that I am NOT moving. I am staying right where I am for at least five years. Period. (unless he's fired or something and has no choice but to move...)
I need a rant session.
I have to clean now.
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