2006-11-02 - 7:06 p.m.

It's 7:06 and I am waiting (im)patiently for Eric to pick me up to go to the vet.

Because my cat is there.

And I am not pretending that I am not devastated right now. Nor am I pretending that I am not very very nervous about what is going to be announced in about 20 minutes. I am visibly shaking. I am not ready for what might be. Not at all.

Of could simply just be a bad case of constipation due to the abundant amount of antibiotics/antivirals/antacids and so on that have been dumped into his poor little body in the last months. Please let it just be that...not the renal failure I keep dwelling on. Or anything that means I have to make that dreaded decision right now.

I know that it is my responsibility in this lifetime to have future animal companions...(I will explain this some other time)....but right now I am certain that I cannot ever do this again.

7:10 now.

This is really awful.


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