2005-02-28 - 2:19 p.m.

So I have this pretty unsubstantiated fear of cotton balls. I've been dealing with it since I was about 12 I think. I never had a bad experience with cotton balls. I mean, that is not why I have a fear of them...I HAVE had bad experiences with cotton balls BECAUSE of my fear of getting my wisdom teeth removed and waking up with a mouth full of cotton...and the time a woman I was waiting on placed the cotton ball she had removed from her arm (obviously she had just been to the doctor) on her plate and kept trying to hand me the plate to take away and I burst into tears after about her third attempt to get me to take the plate. But I have never known why I am so scared of them. For a while I thought that it was because my uncle has a fear of them and I had somehow, in my childhood, latched on to his fear and taken it as my own...but after further thinking on the matter I remember the conversation when I learned that he was scared of cotton balls and I had said, "Oh, that's SO weird, I am scared of them too!"

But I think I might finally know the answer...I think that at some point in my life I must have had a really bad nightmare about cotton balls that I don't remember. I once had a bad nightmare about Ted Nugent and now all I have to do is hear one word from his mouth and I get all agitated and mad and want to punch something. I hate Ted Nugent because one night, in my dreams, he was my boyfriend and he treated me like shit and then beat me up because I brought him the wrong drink. So the other night I had this dream that I had to hire a car service to drive me to the gym...the first time a really nice man picked me up but the second time someone different picked me up and in my dream I was hesitant to get in the car with him but knew that if I refused he was going to kill me right then and there. So I got in the car with him and tried to think rationally how to get out of it without getting killed. Then this man slipped in rubber gloves and I was still trying to act like nothing was wrong while secretly trying to dial 911 on my phone in my pocket. Then I tried to open the door because I knew he was going to kill and rape me and it was my only option but before I could open the door he had his rubber gloved finger in my mouth and was rubbing some sort of gel on my gums and I knew I couldn't swallow it or even breathe because it was something that was going to knock me out. And then, in my dream, I passed out and I don't know what else happened but I forced myself to wake up in real life. It was very scary.

And today I had to go to the doctor because I thought I had strep throat due to the big puss blister on the back of my throat. (I DO NOT have strep throat, just a puss blister caused by a virus of some sort) The doctor put on rubber gloves to examine this puss blister and I visably cringed and my heart started racing. Because it sparked something from my dream. And now I am totally terrified of rubber gloves. I got tears in my eyes when I felt the rubber glove touch my tongue.

And so this must be the same reason why I am scared of cotton balls.

I am glad that mystery is solved.


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