2004-08-29 - 6:20 a.m.

Stupid mother cat kept me up all night last night. Only I didn't realize it was her until about the fourth time I woke up and turned all the lights on to see what was going on. I kept hearing an unfamiliar noise, a crash sort of noise. But my Squish was sleeping next to me and Bubba was at the end of the bed...both calm, so I knew whatever the noise was, it wasn't dangerous, so I didn't panic. If someone had been trying to get into my house the cats would have been freaking out, running away. They are good like that, they can tell when someone has pulled into my driveway and when someone has pulled into the neighbors driveway (which basically connects with mine) which is something I can't even do. I have learned to not jump up when I hear someone pulling in (because I always think it is in my driveway)and instead look at the cats. If they jump up and run to the door I know it is my driveway. If they stay put I know it is the neighbors drive. Anyway, both cats were calm and purring. But it was still driving me crazy. I thought Smitten was trying to find an escape. I finally figured out that stupid mother cat, who I put back outside after failing with the flea stuff again, was jumping five feet onto a thin window sill and trying to get in the house through the window. And why would she chose that window? A window where there is nothing to hold onto and where you have to jump pretty high and over tall flowers? Because that is the window where I would be able to hear it. Cats are so smart. So I of course had to let her in. Because she was so desperate to get in here. This cat is going to be the death of me.

I have been trying to avoid going to Barnes and Noble this week. Because the parking lot has been overflowing full for the last week and I just can't cope with that. So I starting reading this book I have had for a couple months that I just couldn't get into. My other books were supposed to last me until next week but on my last two days off I have read an entire book in one day and have therefore messed up my schedule. Anyway, this book sucks, I mean, it is a good book but it sucks because it just isn't a book that is capturing my attention. I have read some really good books as of late and I now realize just how important it is in my world to have a good book going. I love looking forward to that book all day. And, it's good for my body too because when I have a good book I stay on the cardio equipment much longer. Yesterday I didn't even open my book, I watched some stupid Unexplained Mysteries show and then got annoyed and hopped off the machine only half an hour into it.

Speaking of my gym. There is a guy that comes in on the weekends. I've known him for a few years. We always chit chat a little. He's VERY nice. I mean, VERY nice. Sometimes I look forward to going to the gym to get away from people (I mean, I know there are going to be people there but I don't have to talk to them) so in the past I have gotten a little...irritated, for lack of a better word) with him because he likes to talk a lot. But he's SO nice. Lately I have been seeing more of him there and I have realized that he isn't only SO nice, he is just a really, really good person. He is friends with just about everyone and he is a very well adjusted human being. He is very honest. Anyway, yesterday at the gym he was talking to me and he could just tell that I was pretty strung out from work, that I just felt like being quiet and he just patted me on the arm and I knew that he could tell everything I was thinking and we had a pretty silent workout. I am really glad people like him exist. I wish there were more of him. Even when I don't feel like talking to people I will never get irritated with him again. Because it is so much better to have people around like him, even if they are talking when you don't want to talk, than to not have them around at all.

Been missing my husband TERRIBLY this last week. As stated in my last entry, I have been hurting lately anyway, and it just makes it worse that I am so desperate to be with him. Nothing can quell this feeling either. I am pretty lost lately, just wandering around sighing. I just want him here, I just want to be together. I am so tired of this. I feel lonely without him now. This is a really new feeling for me.

I just can't wait to be in Spain. I cannot wait. I am very excited about that. I know that in the meantime, between now and when I am sitting in my house in Spain, I am going to be a total wreck, crying about everything, sad, sad, sad. But I also know that once I am there I am going to be so happy. To finally be with him, to be in a new place, to be learning a new language, to be searching out new foods and the names of foods I know. One of the best memories of my times in Paris was going to the store and looking for stuff like baking soda. It took me forever to find it, but when I finally did find it I was so proud and happy and excited. I can't wait to do that. No one tell me what baking soda is called in Spanish, I want to find it myself.

Work now.


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