2004-09-01 - 5:01 a.m.


Big dumpster arrived yesterday. They acutally put it EXACTLY where I said to put it. I have been getting nervous lately because since my wedding, when everything turned out exactly perfect, everything has been going...exactly perfect. I'm not used to it. It freaks me out. I've realized that I kind of live my life bundled up in a form of cringe...just waiting for the next thing to go wrong. So I don't really know how to cope with exactly perfect.

Threw away a lot of things yesterday. I am not a pack rat by nature. I am a pack rat by guilt. I feel guilty throwing things away. Because of landfills, because I somehow have managed to attribute human emotions to inanimate objects, because I think about people who don't have things and think I should give my junk to them. So I never throw anything away. Yesterday I did.

I am not living without most of my excess junk. And I only have two plants left. Which is something. I had thirty seven plants in here.

Husband arrives this evening. He will be here for 20 days. Then we are leaving together to Spain...via France so I can say goodbye to everyone and everything find our new home. I come home on the 4th of October and hopefully sell this house and get the hell out of here. Tricky thing though. I won't fly the two weeks before that election. So, I am pretty much grounded here, whether I want to be or not, until after the elections. And if W. gets elected again I will probably wait until after Thanksgiving. All I know is that I have to get the cats to Spain before the weather here gets too cold for them to fly. They may be living with Eric without me. That would be something else.

Work now.


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