DELVING BETWEEN THE TOES OF LIFE....I AM TOEJAM


2002-04-03 - 7:04 p.m.

I still have the overwhelming feeling that I am annoying people. And from the two entries in my guestbook today I can safely conclude that I am at least annoying some diarylanders. Sorry.

I think I might have special powers. Im thinking this is the reason I am annoying people. I dont necessarily think it is anything I am doing, rather I think it is people picking up on the fact that I have special powers and since they have never encountered anyone with special powers before they cant figure out how to deal with me and so they just get agitated.

I also remembered that I for real swallowed a large piece of aluminum foil a few weeks ago, it was stuck to my sandwich and before I could spit it out my throat just decided to swallow instead of spit. Ummm...yes, Im sure a lot of you men out there are wishing your girlfriends and wives had a throat that decides to swallow when her mind is saying spit...but I digress. Anyway, Im wondering if the aluminum foil is demagnetizing my energy field or something, making me intolerable to be around?

Or maybe Ive lost my mind and I am actually saying things I am thinking out loud. Like maybe I said, Youre a major fuckwad asshole, to the customer who was leaving the other day and flashed me a rather vivid SHUT UP YOU ANNOYING LITTLE TURD look when I thought I said, Have a good day.

This could realistically be the case because today when I went to get my caramel mocha at the coffee shop I encountered a new guy working there. Oh happiness. The guy was smoldering and when he looked up from his book my knees went weak. And as I was ordering I was thinking to myself, Id like to rip your clothes off, tie you to that chair youre sitting on and pour espresso, milk and caramel over your body so I can lick it off. And then Id like to cover your lips in chocolate and bite them, HARD, so maybe thats what I said instead of ordering my demure little coffee drink and maybe thats why he got so flustered as I was ordering and knocked over his tip jar and then tripped on the very chair I wanted to tie him to. Maybe he wasnt just so irritated with my voice while I was ordering that he got befuddled...maybe he was just scared because I said I wanted to dump hot coffee on his naked body and eat his lips off his face.

Needless to say I am going to bring my mini tape recorder with me tomorrow, just to make sure Im not saying things like, Hey FATASS, get out my fucking way and maybe you should back away from the ice cream cooler, is there even enough room for you to move in the 10 by 10 section? When I really think I am saying, Umm...pardon me sir.

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