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2002-04-03 - 7:04 p.m.
I still have the overwhelming feeling that I am annoying people. And from the two
entries in my guestbook today I can safely conclude that I am at least annoying some
diarylanders. Sorry.
I think I might have special powers. I’m thinking this is the reason I am annoying
people. I don’t necessarily think it is anything I am doing, rather I think it is people
picking up on the fact that I have special powers and since they have never encountered
anyone with special powers before they can’t figure out how to deal with me and so they
just get agitated.
I also remembered that I for real swallowed a large piece of aluminum foil a few
weeks ago, it was stuck to my sandwich and before I could spit it out my throat just
decided to swallow instead of spit. Ummm...yes, I’m sure a lot of you men out there are
wishing your girlfriends and wives had a throat that decides to swallow when her mind is
saying spit...but I digress. Anyway, I’m wondering if the aluminum foil is demagnetizing
my energy field or something, making me intolerable to be around?
Or maybe I’ve lost my mind and I am actually saying things I am thinking out loud.
Like maybe I said, “You’re a major fuckwad asshole,” to the customer who was leaving
the other day and flashed me a rather vivid SHUT UP YOU ANNOYING LITTLE TURD
look when I thought I said, “Have a good day.”
This could realistically be the case because today when I went to get my caramel
mocha at the coffee shop I encountered a new guy working there. Oh happiness. The guy
was smoldering and when he looked up from his book my knees went weak. And as I was
ordering I was thinking to myself, “I’d like to rip your clothes off, tie you to that chair
you’re sitting on and pour espresso, milk and caramel over your body so I can lick it off.
And then I’d like to cover your lips in chocolate and bite them, HARD,” so maybe that’s
what I said instead of ordering my demure little coffee drink and maybe that’s why he got
so flustered as I was ordering and knocked over his tip jar and then tripped on the very
chair I wanted to tie him to. Maybe he wasn’t just so irritated with my voice while I was
ordering that he got befuddled...maybe he was just scared because I said I wanted to dump
hot coffee on his naked body and eat his lips off his face.
Needless to say I am going to bring my mini tape recorder with me tomorrow, just to
make sure I’m not saying things like, “Hey FATASS, get out my fucking way and maybe
you should back away from the ice cream cooler, is there even enough room for you to
move in the 10’ by 10’ section?” When I really think I am saying, “Umm...pardon me
sir.” |
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