2002-03-21 - 3:45 p.m.

Today I realized that I don't believe in soulmates, in the belief that there is only one person on earth that is meant for me. I think that's a bunch of crap. But I also realized that I am just exacting enough to only be satisfied with my soulmate. What I mean is that I will never be happy with a relationship unless it is with my perfect mate...and since I don't believe that person exists, I'm pretty much destined to spend my life alone because I won't settle for less. This doesn't really bother me because I am happy alone, but it worries me a little because in fifty years when I am in the mood to make out a little there will be no one around to tongue wrestle with. They'll all be married and happily puttering around in their Winebago's by then. So unless I can somehow halt the aging process so I can attract young, virile and unmarried men when I am old, I'm screwed.

One of my co-workers told me I dropped a nickle and she had put it on the counter for me. I kept forgetting to pick it up and after about an hour of her reminding me (for the love of God it was a nickle, did she really think I cared that much?) she told me that if I didn't pick it up she was going to take it. I was walking out of the waiters aisle at the time, just going around the corner that opens up into the dining room where a hundred or so people sat drinking coffee and I shouted back to her, "JUST LEAVE MY NICKLE ALONE!" And when the dining room fell silent and I stood there blank faced staring at them I realized that the whole restaurant thought I just shouted, "JUST LEAVE MY NIPPLE ALONE!" Ye gads. Then I started remembering all the embarrassing things that have happened to waitresses over all these years.

There have been several instances of waitresses blowing bubbles of snot from their noses while chuckling at a table.

A few farting episodes.

Tampons pulled from apron pockets instead of pens, and also, tampons actually placed on the table instead of creamers.

Hitting people in the head with plates.

Saying, "Have a nice day" instead of "Good Morning, what would you like to drink?"

And it goes on. Fortunately I have only ever embarrassed myself with spoken word.

A girl I work with once sneezed at a table and a big, slimey chunk of her lung landed on the table. Splat!

I think someone who I have always considered a friend with no romantic interest in me is hitting on me. I can't be sure but I'm pretty sure I am picking up some different vibes from him. I was talking to a girl at work about it and she looked at me like I was stupid. "Of course he wants you, anyone who knows you wants you," she told me.

And I don't get that. That shocks me.

I just wonder why, if that's true, I don't get hit on more often? Or am I getting hit on all the time but not knowing it because I am too busy talking to myself and wandering around in a daze? I think I need to become more aware of my surroundings.

This is long enough...I'll finish what I wanted to talk about tomorrow.


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