2002-06-23 - 5:12 a.m.
My prescription for lethargic, lazy depression.
Come home from work and stare at walls until you are so miserable that you realize you can either climb a really tall tree and sit in its branches while hitting yourself on the head with a cast iron skillet hoping that you eventually lose consciousness and fall out...or...you can make yourself feel better.
Shuffle outside and once again consider the tree thing but decide that first you need to turn sprinklers on to hydrate the flowers and vegetables you took responsibility for. Aim sprinkler at garden #1.
Pluck a few roses off rose bush and immediately feel guilty about killing them.
Go in the house and put hair in ponytail and change into clothes appropriate for exercise.
Pick out a CD that you can scream along to word for word. (My choice, Janis Joplin) Get on stair climber and for half an hour wail along with Janis while pounding the F#*K!!!! out of stair climber. Really tear it up. Sweat every molecule of pent up emotion from your pores. Dispel every pent up word from your throat.
Move sprinkler to garden #2.
Take cold shower and drink four glasses of water. Walk around naked until you dry off. Put on clean clothes.
Move sprinkler to garden #3.
Put Weezer (green CD) into CD player. Dance like a fool crazy maniac around your house for the entire CD.
You should now have dispelled the lazy and the lethargic from your system.
Move sprinkler to garden #4. Run through the sprinkler stream a few times like you did when you were a kid.
Take another shower. Walk around naked until you dry off. Put on clean clothes.
Move sprinkler to garden #5.
Go out to yard with a string and your cats and run in circles around your house while they chase string. Every once in a while flop down on the ground and let them catch string. When you (and the cats) tire of this game, get bottle of bubbles and sit in the middle of the lawn blowing bubbles that surround you and that your cats can chase.
Move sprinkler to garden #6.
Get bucket of sidewalk chalk out of your trunk and decorate your entire sidewalk with graffiti. Wave at everyone that drives by as if you know them, count how many people wave back with as much enthusiasm and how many people ignore you.
Move sprinkler to garden #7.
Take yet another shower. Walk around naked until you dry off. Put on clean clothes.
Turn off sprinklers.
Put Etta James in CD player. Sit on back deck with a glass of wine, cigarettes and your guitar and pretend that you can play any song you wish.
This should dispel the depressed part.
You are healed.
Repeat as needed.|
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