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2023-05-24 - 5:20 p.m.
I've always had a huge problem with seasonal affective disorder. It hits me hard and has since I was a kid. It was better when I was dating Jon and we went to Florida every winter for a week or so and I could push through the winter. And then I lived in Spain and I got through the lack of light pretty well there because it was always sunny all day and I didn't work and I got plenty of light. But, man, these last fifteen years back in Michigan...and being perimenopausal...and then this last period of years of a serious depression after divorce and all that that stuff resulted in and then starting a new job after all of that...this year the SAD hit me even harder than normal. I was cutting the weeds from peonies today and I realized just how far I had regressed into that depression and it was the first time, in a very long time, that I also realized that I want out of it. I want, very badly, to be happy and vibrant again. It's a beautiful day today. My peonies are about a week from blooming, I'm putting the garden in this weekend, the cats are all doing great and they are super happy to be lounging around outside all day. My job is fine. I make money and it's very well orchestrated there but I still miss my other job and it makes me sad a lot. But I'm making a work family at my new job and I actually hug a lot of people at the beginning and end of our shifts. Which is weird for me. I have a new boyfriend. It's official. I keep saying that I'm taking it slow with him but I proposed the other day in a joking way but I might be serious. |
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