DELVING BETWEEN THE TOES OF LIFE....I AM TOEJAM


2023-03-03 - 8:12 p.m.

The teachers, much to my horror, arrived two hours early today. We were expecting (and are getting) a big storm storm today so schools and lots of businesses let people out early to get as many people home safe as possible. This meant that the teachers were let loose for a half day.

The teachers come to the restaurant every Friday for Happy Hour and they are the worst. I suppose their brains are fried after a day of dealing with kids and that should be given some sympathy and patience. But, honestly, they can go fuck themselves. The last few weeks that I've been tending bar on Friday, I see them come in and I know that they are going to turn everything into a shit show and I just buckle down. There are about twenty of them. They arrive in haste, one by one,and start flagging us down for drinks. And this goes on for a mind blurring hour or so of slammed drinks and food and then they all start hastily demanding their separate checks, one by one...like, one will ask for her check and I'll ask if anyone else needs something or their check and will be ignored and when I come back, someone else will scream across the table, "I'll have another and bring me my check!" and then I do that and another one will scream across the table, "I need my tab now! I have to get home!". And it just goes on and on like that. Worse, at least ten times during this whole disaster, I will hear things like, "I need my check and put that one on me (pointing 14 seats over) and half the appetizer for the end of the table" or, "put my bill on Glen's tab at the bar and throw Catherine's (I have no idea who Glen or Catherine are) on there, too". Anyway, today was very slow because of the snowstorm. And these teachers arrived in all their glory (and it was glory because today was some sort of teacher award/appreciation day and most of them were all decked out in evening gowns and tiaras) two hours early and the second bartender doesn't come in until 3 (when happy hour starts) so I had to deal with these people on my own. And I did it. There is too much flurry in their activity. And I will not be governed by that sort of thing and neither should they. So today, when it was just me and not the other bartender who crumples and makes it worse, I was stern. Because I had time to be stern for once. And I think I might have gotten the teachers to calm the f down. There is a new sheriff in town, teachers. Take heed. I will report again next Friday.

Anyway, the storm! It's fantastic. I knew it was coming. I don't pay much attention to the weather reports because they are usually garbage. But the other morning when I woke from a nightmare about being locked in a dark room (I've been watching Better Call Saul and I know it's not a good idea because a decade later, I'm still not that recovered from Breaking Bad), I ended up watching a weather update from a local news station that the weather guy appears to be doing from his basement. He was weird and the set up was weird and so I trusted it. And he said, for sure, we're getting a storm and he's, so far, predicted it perfectly.

This is the longest story for anybody not familiar with the area I live in. But the roads around here were obviously planned by people of not sound mind. I wish we could all be more Oglethorpian in our civic planning. I used to work at a restaurant on the corner of Commerce, Commerce and Commerce, for example. And there was another random Commerce very zig zaggidy away off a different road and...suffice to say, fifteen years in this area has still not brought me any familiarity to the nonsense. Grand River is another road that is very confusing for me. I've hardly ever used it except between Novi and New Hudson. Yesterday I decided that Grand River would be the best road to take home from work in Brighton if the snowstorm did happen. My back roads route home is very curvy and dark and lots of road changes and my highway route home is fine, just not desirable in a snowstorm. But grand river is a straight road, I could get to new Hudson, turn onto Milford road and go home. It's quite a bit longer but seemed safer. However, I can't figure out the directions of grand River and I never use it and I didn't realize I was going the wrong way until I was in Howell. So, long story short. I added twenty miles to my treacherous, so very treacherous, drive home.

Notable things about my drive home. I said, out loud to myself probably three miles into my drive going the wrong way, "I'm the luckiest person on the planet." Because I was behind a plow truck. I followed it for ten whole miles before I realized that I wasn't the luckiest person but possibly the dumbest.

I saw a store I really want to go to when the roads aren't a sheet of ice.

We had a thunder snow storm on my drive and for about an hour after I got home. It was amazing. It did startle me as I was driving 6 miles per hour down the road but I didn't drive off the road from the shocking purple flash of light and gigantic roll of thunder across the ice covered road and the fat snow flakes falling across my windshield. So I just plodded on home. We're safe in the house. Edwin is in the garage and I don't have to leave the house for 14 hours. I'm making soup and going to go watch that damn show some more.

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