2022-12-07 - 11:28 p.m.

I don't know what in the world is going on with me today. I know I'm all sorts of weird right now. I want so hard to bust out of this slagging life I've been in and just go. Go go go. But there are so many things I have to get in motion and this new job and trying to get all my adulting done is making it difficult for me to reinvent my wheel. Jesus god, the tasks on my to do list are rapidly mounting and possibly at disaster area levels. And if I don't get this hearing aid thing figured out soon...I'm afraid. I'm getting really frustrated again about not being able to hear and it's possibly going to hit depression levels again. Just fair warning. Anyway. I just have to get through December. Plod on. If I can't handle a day, I'll do what I did today and just spend it in the bathtub until I have to go to work.

The bathtub thing today wasn't just because I was overwhelmed. I was having a horrible time regulating my body temperature. I was freezing cold all day. This has been happening a lot. I am NOT a cold person so this is odd. So I cooked myself all day. I boiled in the bath and then I stood in front of an open oven set at 500 and drank hot water until I had to leave for work. Then I let my car warm up for half an hour and got into an absolute sauna. One of my coworkers parked next to me and she said she actually felt a huge wave of heat come out of my car when I opened the door. But I was still freezing. Sometime around 7 I got really hot which is persisting. I don't know what the hell is going on. I have to force feed myself and now it's basically down to popcorn, black beans on noodles, red bell peppers, cucumbers, strawberries and almonds being the only things I can handle without gagging. I think I'm going to have to start drinking old lady protein drinks. I have a dr appt next week to go over the weird findings from the X-rays I had. I'm pretty sure there is something more weird than just perimenopause going on. And I'm oddly not that concerned. Just get me through this fucking year. And, good lord, someone turn the sun back on.

Anyway, work was annoying today. I KNOW I'm going to be making great money there very soon but I'm at two and a half months now of just squeaking by. It's getting old. Tonight my section had three open tables all night because they were going to put a party there at 7 but then changed their mind around 6:30 because the party changed to an 8 from a 12. So then they sat me two teenage boys who drank water and split a pizza. And the other two tables never got sat because by then, we weren't getting walk ins. It was a dismal money making night. I have three bar shifts this week but I won't make great money because this is my first real real week back there so they overstaffed us this weekend because I'll be a detriment for a few days. Sigh.

But, in other news. It's probably best that I have nonsense to think about because otherwise I just wander around in a daze of love thinking about kissing my Texan.


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