2022-11-16 - 11:13 p.m.

I had two days in a row of really big deal soul relief news. One of the things I'm not allowed to talk about. But I will say, two weeks ago I was a complete wreck and every single scenario of disaster was playing out in my mind. After the news yesterday and the movements made, I feel better. I know there's a big fat road ahead....but it's seeming a little more pretty a drive than it was a couple weeks ago.

The things I CAN talk about are that I'm in love and I think I might be able to actually meet this person, in the flesh, very soon. It might possibly be the last thing I do on earth because I already know that I'm most likely going to pass out the second I see him in real life. And I don't care. The lengths I'm willing to go to I order to see this person are astonishing for me. I'm going to have to get on an airplane, which we all know I hate. And find myself a way to a place in New Orleans for one day. But I'll get to see him and it would be a pretty epic first meeting. I've never been to New Orleans. Nor have I ever done a whirlwind one day trip anywhere by airplane. So. That's on my plate and the only thing really holding me back is money, but I think I can have a sigh of relief about that now, too.

When I started this new job, they didn't have any space for bartenders. Fully staffed with a loyal crew. And they also didn't have many serving shifts available but Hana really wanted me to work there. So, since September, I've been scheduled the three shitty shifts nobody wants and I pick up the rest. I constantly watch my phone for notification that someone wants to give up a shift and I nab it. So things have been all helter skelter and I go into every week thinking, shit, I have only one night and two shit day shifts, I'm going to lose my house and my cats will have to eat meow mix. I was planning to go out tomorrow and look for other jobs. Because I can't live like this. It's way too much stress even though most weeks I've been able to pick up enough to get through. But then, today, one of the regular bartenders put in her notice because she bought her own restaurant(idiot! Or savant?)! And the job is mine. I am so relieved. I am not cut out to be a server. I've been miserable. I am going to keep two serving shifts a week just because they are easy and after having left my job of eleven years where I did the same thing five days a week, I realize that it's nice to have a little change in routine from time to time. Other bonuses to this? I don't have to roll mother fucking silver ware very much anymore. That damn task can burn in hell. I don't have to dress in this frumpy uniform except for serving shifts. And I don't have to deal with the mean girl serving crew any more.

So. Sigh. Good lord. This has been a time.


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