2022-09-05 - 10:36 p.m.

I had to delete some entries. I do not want anyone to get the wrong idea. My mother and brothers and family and friends have all been very supportive of me. I'm just impatient to get home. I miss my cats. I miss having a job. I want to get my life up and running. I wasn't joking when I said I was burning my previous life down. I succeeded beyond my wildest expectations. But now I'm raring to get at the next chapter. A lot of things, during my burning down of it, became pretty clear to me about my old life. I still haven't properly dealt with my divorce, for one thing. I shut down. Dated a man who doesn't really like me because that was easier than being in love at that point. Now that I am in love with someone, someone who calls me pretty and is the sweetest, most understanding man I've ever known, I'm ready to not be so shut down. I'm going to love. Hard.

I also let my house go to hell. I was tired. The whole time I was married and then for that year after the divorce when Eric still lived there. I was the sole person who cleaned, cooked, did yard work. I had a lot of resentment. When Eric left, I closed the door to his bathroom and didn't open it again for two years. At which point it was full of spiders and mold. I basically lived out of my bedroom and the kitchen and a torn apart upstairs bathroom. Which is another point of resentment for me. I had Matt stay with the plumber once when I had to be to work and they ended up tearing out my vanity and sink to get to some pipes. So I bought all new stuff and asked matt to put it in for me, he's very capable of stuff like that, and that was at least three years ago. So I've been living with a torn up bathroom with no sink. And a spider mold filled bathroom downstairs. But I'm done being tired now. I want my house to be nice again. I miss waking up to pretty things.

Anyway, I just want to say that I am grateful, beyond belief, for my family and my friends (new and old) and for Texas. I love him so much. I miss annoying all my coworkers with my swoons.


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