2022-08-27 - 6:10 p.m.

So, I've been in the ICU for the last five days. Not awake. I finally woke up this morning. I was finally able to eat and walk a little (with a walker), had some physical therapy and was released from my sedative. My mom is with me and I sent her post haste to get me stuff like toothpaste, toothbrush, dry shampoo and some conditioner. And then a second trip to get body lotion and deodorant and a notebook and some pens.

I'm not allowed to get out of bed by myself, I have to call a nurse for assistance. I can't even go to the bathroom, which is basically right next to my bed. But I'm following the rules. Apparently when I was admitted, I was hostile and combative and in that condition until I woke up from that dirge upon my brain. Apparently they had to strap me down any time they had to do a treatment. All of my visitors reported that I spoke very strange sentences. I was asleep.

What happened was, I'm not hiding this from anyone, I drank too much. I had an alcohol problem for the last while. And I stupidly decided to quit cold turkey because I was starting a new job. I had my last drink around 3 am, my new job started at 1.00. I figured that would be enough time to get the smell off myself and be able to pay attention and learn. But I had laid into it heavy that day with nerves. Anyway, I got to the job, filled out the paperwork, started learning the job and I had a huge tray of food in my hands and I face planted passed out. I had had a seizure, a massive one. Something I'm not prone to, never had one, never will again. And then I had another massive seizure in the ambulance. They got me to the hospital where I started beating everybody up, I've never hit anyone in my entire life. They had to call security. And I was like that the rest of the time. Today they are all looking at me incredulously because I'm sweet as pie and my humor is back and I've been making them laugh.


They expect 3-5 more days in here. I keep crying about my cats. But they are in good hands. My ex boyfriend who knows all the routine has been there every day as have my neighbors. I just can't wait to get back to them.

My next course of action is to get a job that doesn't have alcohol. Though, shockingly, the restaurant where this incident happened, offered me my job back when I'm better.

I'm not going to say hospital life is that bad once you're awake and you don't feel as awful. I have the nicest nurses. And it's a nice hospital. They've had me hooked to fluids the whole time since I was basically comatose. Now it's just a constant stream of nurses coming in to give me injections and pills and whatnot. I'm hooked up to so many monitors, I can barely move. And oxygen as needed. I have to wear a pulse ox thing on my finger. The one they have at this particular hospital is like a mesh thing with a chip in it taped around your finger. Last night the nurse said I could take it off, which I was so happy about because I hated it and I told him so. And he said, "yes, it was evident, last night you gnawed your other one off in your sleep, none of us could believe it." Haha. I've been a savage. I'm starting to get stir crazy here, so I imagine the savagery will only amplify. I truly am not allowed to leave my bed, not even to throw something away in the garbage can across from my bed. I'm bored and I just want to go home. Get me out of here.


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