2022-07-11 - 7:17 p.m.

I'm moving much more slowly than I used to. My equilibrium is absolutely out of whack. I have to touch everything as I walk to put myself in place. I hate this. So, on a normal Monday, in the past, I would speed clean my house, just scrub and scrub and get it done, go for a walk, get my work clothes ready for the week, food prep, water plants, grocery shop, clean litter boxes, all that and more. But since I've been without hearing, it all takes me a lot more time and it's becoming very depressing and I'm very sick of having to touch surfaces just to walk. My boss has offered to help me with disability stuff. But that's just stupid.You can't live (at least not my life) on disability. I need to find a job I can do from home and that isn't as loud as the place I work. I'm starting to get very frustrated. I know I can sue the restaurant for this disability stuff but it's just not something I ever wanted to do. But, we're at the the six month mark now. And I'm really, really, really....oh, and really fuc*ing pissed off. So I'm pretty sure I'm going after them for this. The two girls who did this to me still work there and they had absolutely no reprimands. And I didn't push for it. I know it was a prank gone wrong, but it sucks. And I totally didn't deserve this. Anyway, this Monday sucked. I had to do the stupid beer orders for the stupid restaurant, which took a couple hours out of my day off and I'm getting pretty burned out on that whole thing. I didn't get anything else done today except eat half a bag of SunChips. Ugh. And then I got cut off on FaceTime with my love and the day just fizzled. I'm currently packed in my bed with my weighted blanket and a bunch of essential oils and cats. And a giant glass of wine and a case of Fiji water (I have no idea why that calms me down, the Fiji water). I listened to all my calm me down songs today and it's just not working. I'm so furious about my stupid ears and stupid life and stupid stupid stupid. Ugh.

Kitties are good. They know I'm frustrated right now and they've been comforting. Something about having a pet is that you don't want to transfer your energy to them, so it keeps me grounded to not want them to see or feel me so stressed out. But I am stressed. At least the weather has been nice and I haven't died from a heat stroke yet.

Anyway, most depressing post I've made in a bit. Sucks. Sorry. I know I have a good life, I'm just so frustrated. But, I have good things coming up. I have my class reunion coming up and I'm excited to not only see my old friends (and we're old) but also just to get to Kalamazoo. We have all the same stores where I live (and then some) but going to the stores I used to go to when I lived over on that side of state, usually makes me cry. I go to Meijer twice a week where I live and hate it. But put me at a Meijer in the Kalamazoo area and I guarantee I'll be weepy eyed and hugging shelves and that sort of thing. And then I have my Scorpions concert in August! And vegan month at my favorite restaurant and lots of birthdays and maybe, just maybe, a visit from, or to,Texas. (Yes, please.)


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