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2022-07-10 - 2:51 p.m.
Well, I'm probably going to have a total heart attack. Number one, I hate my job, so I've been coming home in a really depressed state every day. My ears are shot, two kitties passed away in the last few months, I'm still trying to get my financial crap back to a pre pandemic, not living on unemployment, state of being (even though that's just as depressing), I have the menopause stuff happening, my house is a wreck, everybody is crazy, I can't find anything (seriously, I still haven't found my debit card or my glasses and I had to go to f'ng CVS this morning to get a phone charger because who the hell knows where I left my other one). Anyway. That's how things are going. I have a litany of things to add to this. But I will leave it at this. I was supposed to have a lovely and civilized date with someone today. I love my Texas man probably more than I could love someone other than my family. But, I can't get there and he can't get here and I need a distraction from that as*hole who has occupied my last seven years with absolute break me down toxicity. So I met a man a couple weeks ago. He's sassy as f and he really likes me and says nice things to me (unlike that as*hole who has never said anything nice to me, EVER.)So, on Thursday, this man came to the restaurant to ask me on an official date. At that point I had just known him from across the bar and we decided we would have an official date today. Like, go somewhere and hold hands, get some food, go to an art fair. And then he absolutely ghosted me. I kept sending him texts to get a plan down and to just tell him, hey, I'm thinking about you. And I was legit worried about him because for two weeks he sent me messages all the time. Then 48 hours of nothing. When we were supposed to have a date and I need plans. He finally sent me a message this morning and said he had taken melatonin and slept for the two days. What in the world? That sh*t doesn't happen. So he's completely red flagged now. Which I don't really care about. He's fussy and not at my intellectual level (which is bare minimum)...but I really wanted to have a day that involved holding hands and eating and looking at dumb crafts. So I canceled the date. And I'm depressed. And, then, I went out to sit in the sun for a bit and found out that that as*hole who has been destroying my life for seven years had cut down my peony plant that I've had for 28 years. He has his business on my property and part of his rent is to take care of the lawn. He said the other day that he wanted to clear out the flower bed and get it nice again (I've been neglecting everything except the cats, which I feel I have a right to do). So I went out there and said, "there are two plants you can't touch." My peonies and mom's spiderwort. I physically showed him the plants to not touch. And he f'ng cut down my peony. And I'm a wreck about it. It's one of the most devastating things that could have happened to me. So this is a shitty f'ng god damn day. I hope I get to talk to my Texas guy at some point because he's really the only thing (other than cats and chickens and my family) that makes me happy. |
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