DELVING BETWEEN THE TOES OF LIFE....I AM TOEJAM


2022-06-24 - 11:14 a.m.

I got in a huge fight with my boss last night and I’m still very upset about it. The problem is that she is someone I considered to be a close friend. The delineation between boss and employee has always been something I don’t like or understand. I don’t know what I’m going to do about this. I need that job but things are really becoming untenable. Add to that whole thing that getting to work is taking me over an hour because of all the construction (it normally takes me 15 minutes) and this construction is scheduled to go on for a couple years…and it just makes it seem not worth it. Aside from fighting with my boss, I had a really good night last night. I had a great bar crowd, they all gelled and it was fun. And I had nice tables, I even got this crazy order right, for once. I’ve been waiting on this lady for years and I always f her order up somehow. Not intentionally, I really like her and it’s become somewhat of a joke between us. She’s one of the few people on the planet who understands that when you give an order that literally takes up an entire page, something is going to get messed up. Anyway, it was good night. No crazy drinks to make, the staff was pleasant, the phone wasn’t ringing off the hook all night, no beer kegs blew…good. It did, however, take me 14 hours to eat a simple salad yesterday. I made it for lunch and then didn’t get a chance to take more than a bite here and there. So I took it to work with me and never had a chance to take more than a bite here and there. I kept putting it in the cooler and then taking it out and walking around with it to find an unoccupied spot so I could just sit down and eat the damn thing. Then someone would come in and I’d have to seat them or a drink order would come in or whatever. So I’d put the salad back in the cooler. Finally, around midnight, I was alone in the restaurant and I tried to finish the salad, I was so tired, though and I still had bookwork to do. So I gave up, did my closing work and packed the damn salad up and brought it back home with me and finished it in bed right before falling fast asleep. Salad saga.

So I slept pretty hard, I was exhausted after that fight and how hard it hit me emotionally. And the person I love says he has a thing about a thing he needs to tell me and I just know he’s rejecting me and it kills me. But if I got two weeks of bliss out being in love out of this, I’ll take it. Even if my heart is probably going to get ripped out. Anyway, I slept and I woke up at 6:20 and I was completely disoriented. I picked up my phone and saw the time and the day and I immediately freaked out because for some reason (even though I always wake up around 5 or 6), I thought It was 6:20 PM and that I was super late for work. And then I got confused that work hadn’t called me and I was sure that because of the fight that they just didn’t care and I was fired. So I ran upstairs and actually started getting dressed very quickly. And then my brain woke up and realized it was morning. I’ve never had anything like that happen to me before. It was absurd. I need a vacation.

So, that is all. Cats are good. My little baby Beaker has weird fur. He gets a very full winter coat and then it mats all up in spring and it’s a very stressful time for me because I just want him to be comfortable but he also has a heart condition and gets very stressed going to the vet or groomer. So I just wait it out every year, have clippers but I can only do one spot at a time before he gets really stressed. I got his last mat pile off a couple weeks ago and he’s growing his summer hair now and it’s silky and beautiful. My hair, on the hand, is turning into an epic wild thing. I should probably go and get a haircut.

I think that’s all. I’m going to make another salad that will take me 14 hours to eat.

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