2017-10-30 - 11:23 p.m.

I've been dreaming like crazy. I know this is something the brain does to process things. And I know I have a long, long, long time before my brain relaxes. I'm enjoying the dreaming, though. It's not restful. But it's fascinating.

Cats are fine. I've lost a lot this year. They were all twenty or close or over. I'm getting to be like a pioneer woman who loses a child every year or so. It hurts so much but you have to, you have to have to, move on and care for what you have. I'm becoming unbreakable.

I have an injured raccoon living in my garage. She's been there for a couple months now. I'm happy to have her. I'm trying to tame her so she can come in and be safe but she's an asshole. I'm working on getting my wildlife rehabilitation license so I don't seem so crazy.

Work is fine.

I had a hard divorce thing to go through today. I've been avoiding it since May. Which means, I also haven't gone to the gym since May. Which means, I'm very unhealthy. Anyway, today I finally went to the gym and told them that I needed to update my payment information and delete Eric from the account. It's very difficult to say these things. I tried to do it via phone so no one would see me cry but it was a no go. But I did it, finally. And I had to pay a lot of money for bills Eric thought he had paid but didn't actually. And then I went and did my fucking workout and I feel good. Why haven't I been exercising?

I have bees. I have a huge garden area being plowed in for next year. I have my cats. A good job. My knees won't entirely give out for another few years and I'm saving for it...I'm good. Life is good.


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