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2015-05-15 - 2:42 a.m.
Hi. We are in a shit storm here. Cat drama! Cat drama! We're two weeks and the price of a decent used car into this now. You guys, this just can't be happening. What happened? OMG. Anyway. I'm emotionally exhausted. I am physically exhausted. I have not completed one household task in weeks and so my stress levels are through the roof. I swear to you, I am having chest pains. Because I didn't die or have a heart attack five days ago when these started, I've decided to just ignore them. Surely it's just anxiety. I can get through anxiety just fine. Also, this past week, a very important person from my past died. I don't really want to talk about it yet. I mean, I do. But I can't because, as usual, it's almost three in the morning and I'm fucking exhausted and I just don't have time. The good news about this week is that I've lost more weight. I'm feeling pretty damn good with my physical body. I've been eating really, really well (spending too much money at the damn juice place) and although I haven't been exercising as much I want to because I spend my exercise time at the emergency vet visiting my cat, the DESIRE to exercise is back within my body and that's a great thing. And, although I've been dealing with a great amount of anxiety, I am still feeling more and more like myself lately. I don't necessarily feel like I was in desperate need of losing weight, I was a cute and pudgy forty one year old and that was fine. I enjoyed eating potato chips, drinking riesling and watching movies in bed. But the act of trying to lose weight puts me physically back in my body, gives me an awareness of myself. And I needed that. So. The weight loss continues. I am ten pounds away from my goal. Sleep. Oh. I bought a new toothbrush!! An fancy electric one! It's one of the best things I've ever purchased! |
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