2014-02-18 - 11:22 p.m.

So I woke up this morning and after seeing a particularly annoying facebook post from a woman I used to work with when I was at that awful cheese job, I spent a few minutes just sitting there, thinking about how happy I was, how GRATEFUL I was, to not be at the job any longer. I just remember being stuck in that awful, damp, dark building, day after day with those awful, depressed, evil people and I start to get panicked a bit. Really, I panic a bit. But anyway, this morning I was thinking how glad I was that I never had to talk to any of those people again and my doorbell rang. And I ignored it (like usual). Then it rang again. And I ignored it. Then it rang again, three more times so then I thought it was an emergency and I ran to the door. And standing there was the man who used to juice all the oranges for the fresh squeezed orange juice that we sold at that awful store. He was actually not a bad person and he was one of the few who actually wasn't horribly depressed and awful...but never-the-less, I had just thought how good it was that I never had to see any of those people again* and THERE HE WAS. Holding a huge bouquet of flowers. As it turns out, he now works for the village florist and he was delivering flowers TO ME.

FROM A COMPANY MY HUSBAND INTERVIEWED WITH YESTERDAY. TO ME. They sent flowers to me. It all feels very 50's or something. Trying to soften up the wife and all.

This company is in a small town next to the small town I grew up in. It's all very strange. There is really no possible way Eric could take that job...even if both of us really do want to be back on that side of the state. But it's really nice to think about for a second. I would be really happy if we could get the hell out of here. And that confuses me because what exactly is it that I am so desperately wanting to get away from over here? And I guess it's not that I want to get away from anything, it's just that I don't like it here, period. But why? Why is it so awful here? I've not made one friend here (I mean, I've made lots of friends but I don't actually like any of them, maybe one or two KIND OF, but that's it). And I always feel like I'm absolutely alone here. Like, I don't trust or WANT anybody to come and check on my house if I were to leave for a couple days. When I lived in Kalamazoo I always had somebody and no, not just my mother. I always had really good friends there.

Anyway, here's why it would never work. Most importantly and the thing I keep trying to remember even though my heart really wants to go is that if that job didn't work out for him, THAT'S IT. There aren't many jobs on that side of the state in my husband's field. If a job doesn't work out for him here it's kind of not a big deal because there are a ton of places he could get a job over here right now. Right now he's a hot commodity here. But if it didn't work out over there, well, we'd be stuck there in the middle of no where with no career options.

Also, we couldn't put our house up for sale while we still lived here. For one thing, I'm still recovering from the stress of doing that TEN YEARS AGO. I'll never try to sell a house while I am still an occupant there ever ever again. For another thing, nobody is going to buy a house when there are a billion cats and an opossum living in it. So we would need to be out. But we can't rent a house (because of the billion cats and the opossum) so we would have to buy a house but we can't buy a house unless we sell this house. So. End game. But still...I came up with a genius idea earlier today before my rational self took over...maybe we could find a COTTAGE. A cottage ON A LAKE. Because that little town where I grew up had a shit load of lakes and little cottages. And surely we could find a cheap cottage that we could buy without having to sell our house first. Then, when our house sold we could BUILD a new house (I want a new, perfect house next time. With all the cool aspects of my current house (I'm talking to you floor to ceiling windows across the whole southern face of the house) but in newer, better form.) and still keep our lake cottage. Oh god, but then I would have to live in a lake cottage for a year or so with a billion cats and an opossum. (I'm only half kidding about the opossum...but for real, if we were to move today I would have to trap the opossum and take him with us.)

It's a fun fantasy for a minute. I sure would really like to move away from here. I love my house and I do love my little village and my neighbors are all (mostly) pretty great. And it would be AWFUL to actually leave because I would worry about the animals and the bees that I've been so kind to on our little acre and a half...but would be nice.

*to be fair, there are a few people I miss from that job and would be happy to see at my front door but I don't really associate them with being from that awful place.


Get your own
 diary at! contact me older entries

previous - next

Get your own
 diary at! contact me older entries

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at!