2013-08-18 - 2:39 a.m.

I am a saint. I am just going to leave it at that but I do have a lot of marital un-bliss I would like to share here. Instead I am going to attempt to put it into a short story tomorrow! Because nothing fuels a good short story better than marital un-bliss!

Super glad my work week is over. Every day when I go to work I get reminded of the whole kitten thing. I can no longer step foot on our south patio where I found and trapped her.

Bear is not doing better. And I am avoiding the call to my vet in which I make my official decision about what to do. I do feel that even though it would be good for my mind, I am not going to pursue further diagnostics. I feel that the bloodwork, numerous xrays and the ultrasound study by a board certified radiologist are conclusive enough. I wouldn't put him through chemotherapy anyway. So why should I keep going with the diagnostics? I just want to give him pills that make him not feel yucky until I have enough strength to let him go. Anyway...I feel like this veterinary diagnostic shit is a neverending thing. I take him in because he's losing weight and he gets bloodwork which comes back bad so he gets xrays and then referred for an ultrasound and then aspirates and then a biopsy and then exploratory abdominal surgery...I have a feeling that even if I took him to get the aspirates it would still not be over. The last time I had something aspirated for him (this time last year) it cost $500 and it the report came back that it was nothing. Like....nothing. There was nothing. And then the next xray I had showed that the spot where something had previously been was gone. So fuck. Anyway. I am making the call on Monday.


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