2013-08-12 - 11:37 p.m.

I have to take all the cat food away in twenty minutes because Bear has an ultrasound tomorrow morning and has to be fasted. It's probably going to be a long night. I'm not sure how these cats are going to handle not having their food out. I've had to fast cats before but nothing this serious. Normally when there's a fast I kind of half ass it and just don't feed them the wet food in the morning. But this is serious. I need to get a really clear and serious read from this ultrasound tomorrow. So no food. No food. No food.

I've had a shitastic day trying to keep my mind off the kitten thing. What a nightmare. I keep thinking that it was really just a nightmare. The morning after I live trapped that poor kitten we couldn't find her in the morning. I have no idea where she had disappeared to, I had her in my bathroom where there is really nowhere to disappear to. But she disappeared. At seven am Eric woke me up to tell me that he couldn't find the kitten and I thought to myself, "yes, this is what happens when you think everything went perfectly," because everything HAD gone perfectly. You know. I had totally live trapped that kitten EXACTLY according to my plans and so I was super nervous that something would go terribly wrong. So when Eric announced that he couldn't find her I was sure she had found some way to get into the walls and that we would have to dismantle the entire bathroom, pay thousands of dollars to tear out walls and plumbing and floors, to get the kitten out. So when she appeared, a few hours later, I was kind of stunned. I thought I had dodged that bullet, that something COULD go perfectly. But god damn it. I can't even believe it. I took her to the vet on Saturday and she was very, very healthy. She was tested, vaccinated and sent home with a very clean record. And then, a week later she was dead from pneumonia. I just can't understand it. And I am out another $1500 in vet bills. Which makes me sick. How can it possibly cost that much money to treat a three pound kitten for half a day? I think emergency vets should be ashamed of themselves. I think it's sick.


I am trying to start listening to music again. I've been off the music for a long while now. I think, in general, I've been very shut down for a long while now.


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