2013-02-28 - 1:39 a.m.
About my vacation. Yes. Well. The first day I dinked around, did some chores, made some dinner (moo shu!) and mostly fretted about the giant coldsore that sprouted up ON MY FACE the night before while I was waiting on a bunch of fucking asswads at the bar. Monday I basically did the same thing. Tuesday I decided I just needed to chill and get into the groove of what I wanted my vacation to be all about which is basically just doing things without hurry and worry and enjoying every breathing moment. So I did that. I read a lot, I watched TV (a lot), I ate two different dinners (an elaborate polenta ordeal and then spaghetti with homemade tomato sauce and tons of butter and parmesan) and took a couple baths. It was a great day.
So today I woke up feeling nourished and rested and satiated. I drank a pot of tea and read the news and watched some more tv and then I made a snowman! And he is super cute! And then a girl I work with started texting me with her ridiculous drama. And I kind of lost it. I realize now that a lot of my work stress is coming directly from her. And another person. This particular person, the one texting me all this drama...needs to go see somebody and needs to be properly medicated. She is currently medicating herself with alcohol and anxiety medicine she gets somehow (but not from a doctor). It is very difficult to stay out of her web. I try to not set her off and I try to keep her happy and I see that behavior is just not good for either of us. I am sick of her shit. She is one of the direct reasons I needed to take a vacation that I cannot afford. She is ruining the first good thing that has happened to me in a long time. So.
That's what I did with today.
Tomorrow I plan to not look at any texts or stupid facebook posts from her. I am also going to get dressed. I haven't done that since I got home from work Saturday night. I get into pajamas and then I wake up and get into another pair of pajamas and then I go about my day and then get into another pair of pajamas. I have to go grocery shopping tomorrow.
I am already rather depressed that I have to go back to work in six days. I am not ready. I need more time. I was thinking today about how I needed more time and how the only way I could reasonably take more time off would be to be injured somehow. Like a broken ankle or something. And how depressing that was that I was kind of hoping for a broken ankle so I could stay home a little longer...then, like an hour later, I got this horrible, terrible pain in my knee (and not even the knee that usually hurts!) and it stayed there for at least three minutes. It was worse than any pain I have ever felt. For real. I was crippled. And it scared the shit out of me. Am I somehow manifesting unwellness in myself just so I can stay home?
Anyway. My cat seems better. I have no idea what the hell is going on. I sure wish I would have been a vet.
My plans for the rest of my vacation. Tomorrow I meet the world again. Gym and grocery shopping. Friday, gym and cooking and cleaning. Saturday Eric and I are going out and about. Sunday probably the same. Monday, gym and cooking and cleaning (I want to make and freeze raviolis and pierogies so I have them for busy weeks). Tuesday (MY LAST DAY!) I will do whatever the hell I want to and I will end the day with a massage at six.
I am dreading going back to work.
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