2012-11-21 - 11:10 a.m.

The other day I went out with some people for work to celebrate a birthday. There were only six of us, which was a very disappointing turn out considering it was to celebrate our boss's birthday. There should have been more people, out of 40 something people, six showed up. Jerks. of the people who showed up was that awful person I spoke about in my last entry. The person I consider to be the biggest bitch on the planet. I ignored her most of the night, not being mean or jerky, I just didn't really talk to her, at all. I said hello when I got there and I said goodbye when she left. Then there were just three of us left and we started talking and they told me a really sad story about the life of this woman. She hasn't had the nicest things happen to her in her life. But not exactly the worst things either, just some shitty turns...cancer (that she obviously survived) and things like that. So I started feeling bad about not liking her as much as I don't like her. I started feeling like I should give her a break because her husband left her years ago for a woman younger than their children and then her mother died at the same time that she was going through the divorce and then she got cancer and she's old, she's way too old to be a server anymore but she has to work and she's just angry. OK. I understand that.

But here's the thing. Whenever bad things happened in my life it didn't make turn into an ogre. I didn't get meaner and meaner. I got nicer and nicer. When bad things happened to me I learned how easy it is for horrible things to happen in a split second and I knew that I was carrying around a lot of sad weight in my heart and I understood that most everybody on this planet is carrying around sad weight too. And for the reason we should all be nothing but kind and selfless and empathetic. I do understand that she's probably really tired and really angry. Working in a restaurant is hard work, physically, for anybody. It can't be especially easy when you're 70 years old. But that doesn't mean that you can act like a total fuck head and not even once apologize for your shitty behavior. ESPECIALLY since she's 70! She should know better!

So my brief guilt at not liking her is over. I'm back to not liking her and feeling very justified about it.

Yesterday, while avoiding housework, I decided to clean my cars. I have two right now! My Honda and the Prius! Eventually we will sell one or both but we have to make sure Eric's new job is going to work out before we get too reliant on his having a company car. So for now, I have two cars. I like driving my Honda better but for some reason I drive the Prius almost exclusively. I guess I shouldn't say for some Honda needs some work right now. I've needed to clean both of those cars for a long time. The interior of the Prius had about an inch of dust on the dashboard and my Honda is just plain trashed (as usual). The biggest reason I wanted to clean the Honda (aside from needing a project that didn't involve washing dishes or doing laundry) was because I've been missing the cord that hooks my phone to my car stereo for months. I think the last time I saw it was back in June! It drove me crazy trying to find it. Sometimes when I'm missing something I'll go into these weirdly focused trances where I'll search for hours and hours and even though I've done that several times recently trying to find this cord, it never showed up. Yesterday I found it within the first minute of sitting in the Honda. Like, it was just sitting RIGHT THERE. Which makes no sense. But oh well, I found it just in time. I needed it for my drive to Kalamazoo tomorrow.

Two other things I found in the car...a shell from my grandmother's bathroom and a big rock. I knew where the shell came from. When my grandmother died my brother and I went to her house and took a few little things, the shells were sitting by her bathtub. I took two. I don't know why I left one in my car for so long, but I did. The big rock is another story! I couldn't rememember at first why there was a big rock in my car. In my old, old Honda back in my Vicksburg days...I always had a big rock in there but that rock had a purpose. I used it to hit my dashboard to make my stereo work! This Honda has a perfectly functioning stereo so why did I have the rock? Then I remembered about that raccoon my stupid neighbor trapped a few years ago. His stupid kid was sitting by the trap with the really scared and sad looking raccoon when I walked by to the mailbox. The kid was poking the raccoon with a stick and I lost it. I asked him what they were doing with the racoon and he said he didn't know, he was waiting for his dad to come home. So I fumed back to my house and wrote a huge note to the guy giving him numbers he call of people who will take the raccoon and (illegally) relocate them. I also begged him to not kill the raccoon and to please not trap things and let them sit in a trap all day in heat with no food or water and blah blah blah. I then walked the note down to the trapped raccoon (god I wish I would have just had the courage to take the trap) and put the note under a big rock. Then I went back home. Then, I went to the gym and drove by the raccoon still sitting there and then when I came back frm the gym he was still sitting there. So I got out of my car, took the note and the rock and threw them in my car and then I waited for the rest of the day until the douchebag got home at which point I begged him in person to not kill the raccoon. (he tells me he did not, that he drove it far away and released it and I believe him) ANYWAY! So that rock has been in my car for three years! I also found the hat I wore for St. Patricks day this year and my mittens from last winter. Hopefully some day I learn to keep my car clean.

Thanksgiving tomorrow. I am super excited. I just hate leaving the cats though. I get so nervous! I asked Eric to please buy and install a camera today so I can at least keep an eye on them somewhat. I sure hope he doesn't think I was joking because I was dead serious.


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