DELVING BETWEEN THE TOES OF LIFE....I AM TOEJAM


2011-01-27 - 2:20 p.m.

Little things.

Iíve decided that I hate this side of the state and I am ready to move. I am so desperate for a decent snowfall that I can barely stand it. This side of the state sucks. In more ways than just that. I truly love my little village and I truly love the spot we live in. But I am 100% certain I would not be heartbroken if Eric got a job elsewhere. But it would have to be a place that got more snow than this pathetic display of winter.

A while back the W key stopped working on my laptop. So I got an external keyboard to use for National Novel Writing Month. All was going well until about a week before National Novel Writing Month ended and the B on the external keyboard stopped working. SoÖfor the last two months Iíve been pretty fucked as far as writing anything beyond a few sentences. It takes a colossal amount of patience to write anything when you have to stop every other word to switch keyboards. See, just that last sentence required switching keyboards five times. Ridiculous. Even more ridiculous is that Eric got a new keyboard for my laptop and itís sitting down on his desk (where itís been for two months) just waiting to be installed.

My car is due for many repairs that I cannot currently afford. The timing belt is due to be changed and I KNOW that is a VERY important thing to do and I KNOW what happens when that breaksÖIíve had it happen. I know that is catastrophic. I am trying to not drive any more that I absolutely have to. Which leads me to kind of feel trapped. Also, my struts are toast. I am very optimistic that at this time next year I will be in a far better financial position and oh, that will be divine. I canít wait to not worry about every dollar.

I do not hate my job. Itís fine, itís a fine job. But I am incredibly bored and stir crazy and I am sick of standing in one spot in a windowless concrete building. Freezing to death. Bored. And they require me to be there forty five to fifty hours a week (which I have so far managed to fudge a bit, I work forty hours a week and no one has said anything to me yet but last week I got a form thing announcing that I finally get vacation time (!!!) and going over what is expected of me as a manager and one of the things was that they expected their managers to work forty five to fifty hours a weekÖwhich leads me to think they might e trying to tell me that my forty hours a week isnít going to cut it any longer). Forty hours a week is barely required. I mean, I could do my job and do it well in thirty hours a weekÖbut I do understand the importance of my being there more than that, people have a lot of cheese questions. But really, tacking on another five to ten hours a week is making me have a panic attack. I already have panic attacks all day long because I am so bored and because I have so much to do at home and I am just STANDING there cutting cheese cubes all day and researching cheese and cleaning my filing cabinets and the cooler and I even develop at least one new product a week so itís not like I am not being productive. Ugh. Anyway. Itís torture. I miss restaurants. I miss MOVING AROUND WHILE I AM WORKING. Seriously, I think working in restaurants saved my life. I think I have a serious circulatory issue that was helped by my constant motion as a waitress/bartender. My feet, as a child, used to turn black. That phenomenon sort of went away when I got older. Now itís back and WORSE, I am getting CHILBLAINS now. CHILBLAINS are about the worst possible thing ever. Iím pretty sure the black feet thing didnít go away just because I got older like I had previously thought, I am pretty sure now that the lack feet thing went away when I started working in restaurants and my body was constantly moving. I have to get back to restaurants. I think I am a junky for them. I truly feel like I am betraying myself y not being in a restaurant. I am very much hoping that once I get my financial situation in order that I will be able to open my own restaurant. I should start working on my business plan.

Oh. Also. So far in the month of JanuaryÖwe had a pipe start leaking from the well and that had to be repaired immediately. The dishwasher broke. Three cats got sick. The water softener broke (and has been broken now for a while which means that my hair is orange and my skin is totally broken out) and my car had an antifreeze leak (which is how I discovered it needed two thousand dollars worth of other repairs). I detest January. It is my new least favorite month. NoÖDecember is still my least favoriteÖthe days are too short and Christmas and New Yearís and ick.

Anyway. Life stinks but I am pretty sure itís looking up now. I just have that feeling.


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