DELVING BETWEEN THE TOES OF LIFE....I AM TOEJAM


2010-02-09 - 12:45 p.m.

I recently quit drinking coffee. If you know me, you know that this is a very strange, almost incomprehensible, thing to have happen. I just woke up one morning and the thought of coffee kind of revolted me so I had tea instead. This has been happening for the last twelve mornings. Iím not sure I will ever drink a cup pf coffee again.

Around the same time my body decided to quit drinking coffee, I also started craving large quantities of cauliflower. Perhaps itís because I just spent the last half a year absolutely inundated with all things cancerÖbut I am now convinced that I must have cancer or be fighting off cancer. I am calling to make an appointment today. Unfortunately, it will be at least a month before I can get to the doctor since my annual exam/physical isnít due until March 9 or after and insurance will only pay for one annual exam a year.

The good news about all of this is that I feel GREAT. I had no idea coffee was making me feel so terrible. My eye whites are almost glaring white now! And I donít get groggy mid afternoon. I feel rather balanced for once. I am hoping that this will all lead to a new and improved life for me. I need some calm.

I have also been trying to lose weight. The past year put at least ten pounds under my skin (which would make my grand weight gain total since I met EricÖTWENTY POUNDS) and I need to get RID of it. I am miserable in my skin right now. Miserable. I feel gloopy. There is hardly a feeling worse for me than gloopy. I know that I couldnít have done anything different about the past year, I was doing what I needed to do in order to get through what life had put in front of meÖbut now itís time to get myself back. I know that just returning to my normal life will get the weight gone, will get my brain back to its normal self, will get rid of the bags under my eyes etc; but I am beginning to feel like I donít have the time to wait for that. There might be a drastic diet in my future. I am already on week two of increased exercise and NOTHING is happening. So a diet might be required. Which would be my first diet ever. Except the time I gave up butter for Lent.

Anyway.

I have nine cats now. According to my mother I am just ďfosteringĒ two of the nine but I know thatís not true. So nine cats. Tremendous amount of work generated by nine cats. Iíve only had the two newest additions for about a month now. They are just getting settled in. I canít wait to see them in the summer. They are going to really like it here.

Work sucks. I hate work. I canít wait to retire.

Our friend Fabien will be here in March for almost the entire month. I am looking forward to it but I am really hoping I donít falter in my attempts to get my life back. Last time he was here I just kind of fell into one of my dazes and didnít pay any attention what-so-ever to doing things that made me feel healthy. I just wandered around in a fog waiting to get my solitude back and eating cheesecake whenever possible. This year I need to carry on as though it is a normal month and that means salad for dinner during the week and cheesecake never.

There are two things I really want to do while Fabien is here. One thing I really want to do is scout restaurants. I desperately need a new day job but I canít be so willy nilly about it this time. I need to scout these places before applying. I am dying at my current day job. Itís no good for me. I dread going there and I am losing money from working there because at least once a month (usually more) I decide that I canít possibly take another day of it and I give away my shifts for the rest of the week. Itís really a crappy job. Iíve stayed there because it is the ONLY place Iíve worked since returning to work where I make consistent and decent money. I can count on paying my bills with the money I make there. Which is a nice reassurance. What I canít stand about the place is that it is micro-managed, every little thing we do is regulated by the sisters who run the place. Seriously, I was filling the stapler the other day and I was offered a ďbetterĒ way of doing it by the sister who was managing that day. Thatís the type of thing that goes onÖevery moment of the day is spent being micro-managed and I canít stand it. The biggest thing that annoys me is that we canít keep drinks anywhere that makes it easy to take a flippin sip of water. We have to keep our drinks way way in the back in a dusty, cold corner or the store room. So in order to go back and take a flippin sip of water you have to get someone to watch your section. And if anything happens in your section in the two minutes you are goneÖwell, thatís the worst thing ever. Last week a girl went in the back to drink some orange juice and a customer in her section flagged another server over to ask for his check and the sister-manager saw it and HOLY CRAP, it was like the world ended. We got a lecture. I am thirty six years old. I donít need lectures. So yes, I need a new day job. My plan is to take Fabien to breakfast/lunch as many days as possible and to find a more ideal place for me to work during the day.

Another thing we are going to do is drive to Columbus, Ohio to go to an ice cream shop Iíve been wanting to visit for years and years. I am super excited about this. I am trying to think of ways in which I could get as much ice cream as possible back here to my freezer. I think it is about five hours to Columbus from here. Would a cooler of ice suffice?

Snowy day today! Itís been such a lame winter. I am hoping for enough snow to make it feel like itís been snowing all season. So a few feet would be GREAT. I canít decide what to do with myself today. Clean the laundry room and tape the trim and doors in preparation for painting on Sunday? Clean out the living room closet and decide whether or not I could feasibly make it into my office? Watch movies? Read in bed? Figure out how to use the Bluet0oth option on my new car stereo? Clean my bedroom? Iíll probably end up doing a whole bunch of nothing until I annoy myself sufficiently and then force myself to get the laundry room thing going.


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