DELVING BETWEEN THE TOES OF LIFE....I AM TOEJAM


2009-09-27 - 10:14 a.m.

For the past few months, sleeping in on Sunday hasnít really been an option. Actually, sleeping in on any day hasnít been an option. My not being able to sleep in at least once a week is kind of a big deal since I require large amounts of sleep in order to function. Iím not going into why I havenít been able to sleep or write here, thatís going to have to wait for a few months. THAT is such a huge deal that I refuse to think about it until it is resolved. Period. Iíve been floating through weeks in a super daze just waiting for the day when we receive word that THIS THING is gone. I am so proficient at putting myself in daze mode that I really, truly had no idea what month it was when somebody asked me the date yesterday.

Anyway! About sleeping. I have not been sleeping. And today was finally a Sunday when I could sleep until I didnít feel like sleeping anymore. Except that I couldnít because my stupid cat is in his Autumn frenzy of meowing stage. Normal Sundays, for the past few months, have consisted of me waking up far too early (early considering that I usually donít go to bed until after 3 am on Saturdays) and scrambling about to clean the entire house, clean fish bowls, do laundry, pay bills, water plants inside and out, pick tomatoes (and can them), prepare the cats for my absence and finally packing a bag and getting in my car to drive two hours to Kalamazoo where I stay until mid-week. When I come home mid-week I spend a day cleaning and then I work Thursday through Saturday (both jobs on Thursday and Friday) and do it all over again. Last night I got out of work really early. So I was able to come home and be in bed by eleven. My plan had been to sleep for 10-12 hours. But stupid cat woke up at his usual 5:30am and started that infuriating meow shit.

Itís insane. This meow business. He WILL NOT shut up and I have no idea what he wants or why he gets so bad at this time of the year. Throughout the year he will have mornings of meows here and there. But starting in September through November he will meow every single morning at 5:30 am until about 10 am and then he shuts up. Our house does not allow us to shut him out. So we have to listen to his five hours of incessant meowing. I canít stand it and I canít stand not knowing WHY he meows. Last year at this time I started taking him to the vet to figure out what the hell was going on. And thus started that whole ordeal with the suspicion that he had heart worm which led to a thousand dollars in tests and then the realization that he had hyperthyroidism and then the thousands of dollars THAT cost. And he never did quit meowing (or coughing which is why I really started taking him to the vet). Iím not going to take him to the vet this year. Iím going to suffer through this. Itís going to require some serious effort on my part to keep my husband around. I think heís going to decide sooner rather than later that life with me is just too stressful for him. Seriously. Iím a little nervous and feeling A LOT guilty about what he has to deal with being married to me.

So that is all. Aside from that huge THING that looming over life at the momentÖnothing else is going on. I probably wonít be working at the wine bar much longer. Things are pretty crappy there and have just gotten crappier in the past couple months. Now I am the only server working there other than the owners two sons and thatís an intolerable situation. Plus, I am not making very much money there. And, their record of keeping employees is really bad. Nobody (except their sons) has worked there for more than six months because every six months or so they either fire everybody or become so intolerable that everybody quits at the same time. I get the impression that they like to clean house every six months and Iíd like to leave on my own before that happens. I can already see the signs that they are gearing up for a house cleaning. I donít think I would be part of this house cleaning (they seem to like me and as Iíve mentioned I am the ONLY server they have right now) but I refuse to sit back and watch them fire any more people for no good reason. I just want to hang in there until the end of October when my schedule will clear up a little.

Iíve also gotten fat.

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