2009-06-19 - 12:40 a.m.
Not doing well. At all. I think everything is going to hell. I need to go away. By myself. And think. Because things are not going well. I am SO FUCKING ANGRY and for the first time, in possibly my whole life, do not blame myself for any of this. I feel that I am totally in the right about everything. I feel, also for the first time in my life, entitled. Entitled to have some support. Just once. Once. This is just about the only time I wish I had friends. However. The last time I had friends and was feeling rather the same-ish as I am now...I took a trip to Georgia with them and drank wine in late afternoon sun and made some decisions that changed the course of my life forever. So maybe friends are not a good idea, because I'm pretty sure I need to stay the course. Want to stay the course. I just wish someone else felt the same way. Anyway. In other news. I finally went to the dermatologist and a $205 prescription later (what???), my face is clearing up. So that's at least one thing that is one good thing. Also...I think I might have finally gotten my work schedule figured out. I got rid of a shift at my day job and got rid of an every other week shift at my night job. Which means, two weeks out of the month I will have two full days off during the week and will only work doubles on Fridays and two weeks out of the month I will have one day off during the week and will only work doubles on Fridays. I think this will work out for everyone. Cats, fish, me, Eric. I think I'll have time to keep all of us at least mostly happy. I AM SO FUCKING ANGRY. Which might be better than last week's mantra of I AM SO PROFOUNDLY SAD. I guess I just say. Fuck off. And possibly, grow up. I'll be writing something in the morning to cover this. That is all. |
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