2008-12-23 - 10:08 a.m.

Christmas is fucking cancelled! Totally. (I say this with a bit of joy because I kind of hate Christmas anyway and always look for reasons to cancel it.)

Yesterday I got up with uncharacteristic motivation brewing. The dentist office called shortly after I had my first cup of coffee and said they had a cancellation, would I like to take the spot? And I did want to so I took a shower and set off for my day which included, beginning and finishing my Christmas shopping, buying groceries for the dishes I have to make for Christmas Eve dinner and for cookies to give the neighbors and just generally getting things together in preparation for the next few days. So I got my teeth cleaned, grabbed a mocha and drove off towards the highway. Once I got out of the village and the speed limit went up, my car started shaking. I called Eric. He then called the septic tank cleaners who were supposed to clean our tank (but they were very very late) and just cancelled the appointment and came to get me at Meijer where he found me in the produce aisle completely wracked with violent cramps. Perfect timing as usual. He drove my shaking car home and I followed in his car. He unloaded the groceries and I parked myself on the couch for a few hours while my insides tore themselves apart. Finally, the cramps dissipated and I got up to start making cookies. I figured that if I could get all the cooking and cleaning stuff done last night, I would have today after work to start and finish the presents shopping. HAHA! I was mid recipe when I went downstairs to get a towel and smelled this horrible stench and saw water pouring out of our utility room door.

Very very ironically…it turns out that our septic tank backed up.

On the very day we were supposed to get it cleaned but cancelled the appointment.

I spent the next two hours sucking up poop juice and more hours after that bleaching the fuck out of everything. Just as we got everything cleaned up the water softener kicked on and it all started again. LESSON! IF YOUR SEPTIC TANK BACKS UP TURN YOUR WATER OFF IMMEDIATELY! Jesus.

Anyway. The septic guys are here right now…and it looks like they are having trouble out there getting into the tank due to snow and ice. So this might turn out badly.

Well, it already turned out badly…but it could turn out worse.

Shouldn’t septic systems be illegal? They are really, really gross.


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