2008-12-07 - 5:20 p.m.

A funny thing happened today. Not funny ha ha. Funny, rather disturbing.

We had just returned from the gym. I was rather gung-ho, as I am apt to be when I go to the gym before 3 pm, to have a great day, get things done, be happy, enjoy. Eric was going outside to fix the blinds and I was doing dishes. He came in, sullen and rather dejected (which appears to be his permanent mood these days, rather understandably since his job and therefore our lives are in jeopardy due to this auto industry crisis) and announced that it is his ďsage adviceĒ that I find a husband who can happily fix things around the house. I then replied, trying to take the pressure off him, that he should find a wife who could. And he said that that wasnít the point, that what he meant was that I should have found a husband who WANTED to own a home and all that owning a home entails. (he did not say that in so many words, but that was the exact gist of the remark)

At which point he went the garage and I burst into tears. Sure that this marriage, this young young marriage of ours is going to end because neither of us can live in the utopia of the other. Itís a sad point he and I have reached right now. We can either make this work or we can go our separate ways. And from the looks of it, neither of us is willing to compromise. He canít be happy owning a home and I canít be happy NOT owning a home. I was fine deciding to not have children because, in all honesty, I was just being a monkey about that anyway. I didnít really want to have children, I just thought that was what you did. But I am not ever going to be okay with signing leases and not having a home. Ever. Never ever. And I am beginning to see that he is not ever going to be happy with anything but that.

Anyway, this is not the point of this entry. The point of this entry is that today, for the first time in a long, long time, I wanted to write. I had the words spilling out of my brain again. But they were only there because I was unhappy.


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