2008-03-09 - 11:35 a.m.

I just had an extremely frustrating week and a half. I was teetering on losing my mind and cannot understand how anyone can survive a chronic illness without having to be on serious mood altering medications.

Eleven days ago I had cramps from hell for two days. I sat on the couch (and one day I pulled the sofa bed out) most of the time. Then I had one good, though feeble, day in which I cleaned the house and put everything back in order. The next day was the only day I felt like myself and was up and about at 100% and I exercised and walked and accomplished and was happy. The day after that I felt cloudy and headachy but had things to do (Eric and I drove around all day scouting out places that I could potentially work at) so I did them and went to bed rather early and woke the next day with a raging sinus headache. I also drove around this day trying to find a place I would like to apply at. Came home and went to bed early, again without exercising because my head hurt. Tuesday I woke up cloudy and icky again but I went out and applied for a stupid job and got it and came home and sat on the couch again because my head hurt. Ah...and here comes Wednesday...

I go to the doctor for my yearly female exam. This is a new doctor and for the first time a doctor actually listens to me and is horrified that I have not been more thoroughly examined in the last six years even though I have some pretty severe symptoms of a "problem". So in a flurry she orders all sorts of tests for me. And announces that we are doing most of them "right now". One of the tests was an endometrial biopsy. Which took about 30 seconds to complete. And they were the most painful 30 seconds of my life. Really, it was not pleasant. I was commended for not passing out. A lot of women pass out I was told. (gee, maybe that's a sign that it shouldn't be such a casual procedure and that maybe, just maybe, there should be some pain management protocol?)

Anyway. I came home and had no choice but to sit on the couch for the rest of the day and night.

I started my new job the next morning and came home afterwards with a burning throat and a pounding headache. It was at this point that I started crying. From frustration. I took a lot of pills (which is pretty much all I've been doing for the past week and a half) and went to bed.

Friday was worse.

Saturday I didn't even bother to attempt to do anything. I stayed in bed all day and watched six movies. SIX MOVIES. And an episode of Trading Spaces (which was stupid, what happened to the good old days of Trading Spaces when they weren't so stupid?). Then I went to bed.

And now I am awake and it's Sunday and I feel....I feel good. It's almost weird to feel good.

I hope this is all behind me. I would like to have a good week. I would like to pass all my stupid tests at my new job (the new job which I am still kind of unsure about...I get a weird feeling there) and go to the gym and take walks and accomplish things and unpack some more boxes and keep the house clean and work on my business plan and sign up for a writing class and take my poor cat to the vet and figure out how we are going to afford a new roof and a fence and clean my car out and I would just like a happy week. NO MORE HEADACHES. NO MORE BIOPSIES. NO MORE CRAMPS.

Por favor.

That is all.


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