2007-11-30 - 12:06 a.m.


This was all supposed to get better once I got out of Spain. There weren't supposed to be any more crying jags or feelings of hopelessness for a while.

But apparently I am just fucked up.

So this diary will now become a "highlights of my life" diary until I can pull myself together. Because I am sick of myself and also sick of this phase of life.

Highlights of my life...entry one.

For at least two years of my grade school life my parents had this deal going on with us that for each A we got, we got a certain amount of money to spend at Toys R Us at the end of school year. I remember, very well, the year I went to Toys R Us and filled an entire cart with toys. (including Gari who has now travelled with me to every single place I have gone and who has only spent a few nights away from me in the last 25-ish years) Then we went for pizza at Roaring 20's in Grand Rapids. Or maybe we didn't, maybe that was a different trip. In any case, I remember being so tired on the way home and being very aware of that final big curve near Wall Lake that told me we were close to home. Then I got really excited about the toys and unloading them from the car.

Another highlight of my life.

The water chugging contest my friend Stef and I had at 3 in the morning when we were 12. It made us both sick but we were too scared to wake my dad up to tell him because we felt like we were doing something bad by being up at 3 am. The next day we had a tooth brushing contest and we both brushed our teeth for so long that we got sick again (from the toothpaste I assume).

Another highlight.

Talking to boys on the phone in my dad's office when I was in seventh grade. There was a lot of boy drama in 7th grade. I used to lock myself in there for hours.


Riding to school with Greg B. whenever my mother would let me.


That one time Jill and I went out in the boat with Brad M. and his shorts were all disheveled and his penis was hanging out and Jill and I were trying so hard not to laugh but couldn't contain it so we just jumped out of the boat in the middle of the lake.

Oh, the lake. And Ben. Jill and I could recognize the sound of Ben's boat on the water and we would run out to the dock every time we heard it.

And Jill and I taking our floating rafts out onto the lake and spending the entire day floating around. And then we would go back to the house and eat cheese sandwiches soggy with mayo and drink sugary glasses of lemon flavored Crystal Light iced tea.

And that time Jill and I had "met" some boys on the phone. (we used to go through the phone book and call the "teen lines" that were so popular when I was a teenager. We would talk to boys who didn't know us and we would arrange to meet them at the movies. We were terrible.) We had told them that we were twins, Amber and Andrea, and that we had braces. Because neither of us had braces we had to make them and we spent the entire ride to the movie theater fashioning "braces" out of paper clips.

Okay, I think that's enough. Now I am going to continue watching my 30Rock marathon.



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