2007-05-29 - 11:55 a.m.

Aside from about an hour on Sunday while I was reading a magazine poolside and sipping a Marston's...I had a real crap of a weekend. A real crap. It was all disjointed and not at all harmonious and just all around sucked. Mostly due to the fact that we still haven't decided where we are going and no one in big evil corporate land is making either decision easy for us. In fact, there were a few instances this weekend of completely irrational ideas sounding good. For instance, just saying fuck off to current big evil corporation, taking the very basic move home allocation we are entitled to if Eric quits (and by basic I think it is probably enough money to buy a candy bar at the airport with) and go back to the States unencumbered by big evil corporation and their stupid documents and contracts. Another thing that was talked about this weekend that sounded like a better idea than anything else...taking a job with Eric's friend at some unheard of company with no history IN LUXEMBOURG. Sigh. This is all so difficult. I am getting the impression that if you work for a corporation you need a personal advisor. This whole thing is starting to really mess with our lives. In a big way. This has been going on since the company Eric (formerly) worked for declared bankruptcy (which was 6 months after they moved us to Spain and then basically stranded us here). That is a long time in which to be feeling uncertain about things. The reason that, since Saturday, I have been feeling more and more sure that it doesn't matter which is the best idea, Stuttgart or Farmington Hills, I just think (I think that I think this) that we need to go home. For the sake of our spirits and our relationship. Maybe moving to Michigan is the worst career move Eric could make, maybe it will be a financial burden rather than a gain...but at least we wouldn't be at the mercy of other people. And at least we could begin to move forth on our own volition. So. I think it's almost decided. IMPORTANT NOTE TO MY MOTHER: JUST BECAUSE I AM SAYING THIS DOES NOT MEAN IT IS SET IN STONE SO DO NOT TAKE IT THAT WAY. I AM SIMPLY AIRING MY THOUGHTS.

As way of distraction from all of this nonsense...Eric was driving down our street yesterday and there was a baby bird in the middle of it. So he got out, noticed a cat running the other way, and scooped up the baby bird and brought it home for me. Normally we leave nature alone but maybe, like in the case of the blackbird a couple weeks ago, help it along by removing cats from the yard or whatever. But in this case there needed to be a little intervention. Baby bird would have been killed within minutes, by either a car (there wasn't anything on either side of the street but sidewalk and houses, no yards or bushes or anything in which to place the baby) or by one of the cats that prowl our street. He is an obvious fledgling and so I put him in a basket and put him outside in plain view for his mother to find. He started yelling for her about fifteen minutes later and about an hour later I saw an adult bird hop into the basket and then hop back out. So I was satisfied that the mother had found him. But I continued to watch and she never came back. I ended up having to move him from the original spot because my cats could hear him and were going crazy. Really crazy. So in order to save my own sanity, I moved the bird to a spot away from the house and protected from the wind (which was fierce all day yesterday and was probably the reason the baby bird was on the ground in the first place). And then I had to leave him alone. That's so hard to do. I wanted to keep checking on him but I know that is a stupid thing to do. So I just left him. This morning I went out to see if he was still there and...he was. But he was shivering and weakly crying for his parent bird and when he saw me he opened his mouth for food. Two things I can't handle...when beings are cold or hungry. So I brought him in and fed him water-soaked bread and mushed cat food (hoping that he is the type of bird that eats insects and not the type of bird that only eats seeds and berries). I wrapped him in a towel and got him warm and then put him back outside. And he started crying for his parent bird with more vigor and that was reassuring. So I went inside and tried not to think about him. But we all know that is impossible. So here's what I decided. That he needed to be out of that basket. Because who am I to decide what is best for him? He knows what to do and the thought of something being trapped when they know full well what is best for them to do...well, it rings a little too hardly in my heart. So I went back outside and tipped the basket to its side and he hopped out immediately and hopped directly to the lemon tree. He's still out there yelling for his parent bird and I expect that if he's still there later tonight I will scoop him back up and feed him and get him warm. But for now...I am leaving it to him to be free and to do what he needs to do to survive. It's the best I can do. I am pretty sure that he would die from my ministrations, no matter how well intended they are. So at least this way he has a chance.


And the cats have to stay inside now and they are already, after only an hour of my gathering them, following me around meowing. It's going to be a long day.

So that is all.


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