2007-01-22 - 1:48 p.m.

Last night (well, this morning after I had crawled back in bed after one of those awful before dawn airport drop-offs) I dreamed of my grandmother. And it occurs to me that in the 18 years (is that possible?) since she died, I have not dreamed of her once. And that's very strange because I think of her daily. Anyway, I can't remember what was going on in my dream or why she was there...but she was wearing a red dress that looked much like the dress Annie the orphan wore (but in a more adult style and of course, on an adult body) and she was younger and was wearing, as was her fashion, her Cherries in the Snow lipstick.


Maybe I dreamed of her because when I called my other grandparents on Christmas my grandmother announced first thing (before even saying hello), "He's walking!" and I was like..."Who is walking?" to which she replied, "grandpa!"...which was not as exciting to me since the last time I saw in, ten months ago, he was not only walking but driving and still working (at 80++). Anyway, it turns out he had surgery...but she won't discuss it and brushed it off. (she is like that...and somehow, though I didn't know these grandparents until I was eighteen, I inherited this from her. I am completely able to not talk or think about things that cause me sadness or stress and I can change the subject faster than anyone you know.) So. I've been really worried and can't wait to get home to see him and find out what the hell is going on. Because he will talk to me about it. And I really just want to see him. If I had been raised knowing them, he would have been just as close to my heart as my mother's mother was. I hate that I don't have enough years left to spend giant chunks of time with him. ANYWAY...I am sure I dreamed of my dead grandmother last night because I am terrified lately of losing my grandfather before I can see him again. And by "seeing him" I don't mean just meeting them for a two hour dinner while I am home and battling over restaurant noise to hear one another.

In other news.

We finally got a glucose monitor for my cat. I've been pricking his ear every two hours that I am awake since yesterday. He is getting really sick of me. But's fascinating. I will prick his ear only twice more today and then I will give him a break. I know now what the insulin shots do to his glucose and I know how long they last. I wish I had gotten this thing a long time ago. First bit of advice to owners of diabetic cats...GET A MONITOR AND USE IT. This experience is good because when I get back to the States I am planning to do a hodgepodge of jobs to make money. One of them being a petsitter...especially for pets with diabetes. (because you know, I am kind of housebound right now for a lack of someone who can give my cat shots twice daily) I also plan to, of course, work in a stupid restaurant a couple days a week and go back to stupid massage therapy (though I have to get a better attitude about it before I can allow myself to touch's not nice to have a massage therapist whose hands are not into it). And I will probably also get a job at a bookstore...for the experiece...because I've decided that I am going to own a bookstore before I am forty. And an ice cream shop. Life will be complete then. Books, kitties, ice cream, Eric. Good.

Eric and his sister both left this morning. Last night Eric said, "wow, we haven't watched TV in a long time, aren't you going through withdrawals?" (because I am kind of a TV addict...not SO bad that I watch it all day but when I DO watch it I *love* every minute of it.) To which I replied, "Well, I would be if I didn't know you two were both leaving tomorrow and I could have a binge." Which is exactly what I plan to do today. After going for a walk and putting some things back in order around the house.

TV binge.

That is all.


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