2006-09-25 - 11:53 p.m.

Cat returned (yet again) from the vet. Seems to be doing very well. Though...he was wobbly most of the day as a result of the putting the cat under thing they needed to do in order to invade his mouth (yet again).

Husband in Germany. Calls me with a bellyache. I am thrilled. Husband must give in to the vegetarian lifestyle now. There is no turning back. He can't do that, "well, I only eat meat at business dinners because it's easier," thing because now it's SO not easier for him to eat it. Bellyache bellyache!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!

Tomorrow I think I will go to the beach for a couple hours. Not to walk or to run errands or even for my ice cream on the shore. Just to sit. I haven't gone to the beach to just sit in two years. TWO YEARS. It was TWO YEARS ago RIGHT now that I first found this house and we signed that contact. TWO YEARS. Anyway...the last time I went to the beach*** was on our housing visit. We stayed at the beach hotel and I spent a couple hours on the beach after looking at houses all afternoon. There was a gay couple sitting next to me and they were naked.

**I DID go to the beach this year with the intention of just sitting there...but I was with Amy and we were there for about fifteen minutes before she got sick. Throwing up sick and I had to drive her home. A couple weeks later we found out that she had been sick because she is pregnant. She will be giving birth to Owen Robert in February. His name is all because of me...because I made Amy read Owen Meany while she was here.

Today while I was walking to the car to go to Sitges I dropped my keys. About two minutes later my cell phone rings and there is a quite panicked, weird sounding Eric on the other end. Apparently when I dropped the keys I somehow pressed the panic button we have on our alarm remote. It is reassuring to know this button works...though I still don't quite understand what the point is.

My teeth are feeling scummy. I wish that I had remembered to make friends with someone in the U.S. that was all prepared and over achieving. Someone I could call and ask to send things like dental floss and Cortaid and they would arrive two days later wrapped up nicely and with cute little notes(that I would happily make fun of) attached. I HAVE dental floss now because one of Eric's friends left me his...but I am going to run out before either of us goes back to the U.S. (and I forgot to look in the UK and it doesn't appear to be anything that people here on the continent use????). So I am kind of freaking out a little.

Yes, it's true...if I had money for a down payment on a house I would return RIGHT NOW to the U.S. But that's not a bad thing. It doesn't mean I regret any of this or that I don't, in my heart of hearts, want to stay here in Europe. But right now it's too hard. There is too much against us and eventually it will wear down what is left of me and it will hurt my relationship with Eric. We need to start this over. It would be cool if he were offered some great deal to stay here in Europe...but it has to be great. Like...pulling us back into the black financially and allowing me to have to fucking car and most importantly...NOT FUCKING US OVER AT EVERY TURN. FUCK OFF ASS FUCKING COMPANY!!

Anyway...I am mostly glad that I haven't had the money to return to the U.S. yet because until right around now, moving home would have been disasterous for me. I would have felt like a failure. If I left now I wouldn't feel that way...even though I couldn't understand the lady at the movie place today and just smiled like an idiot at her.

I have to sleep now.

It's kind of chilly out and that is SO nice.


Get your own
 diary at! contact me older entries

previous - next

Get your own
 diary at! contact me older entries

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at!