2006-09-13 - 11:02 p.m.

I think

I give up.

I haven't quite decided yet...because you know, one shouldn't give up.

But I think I do.

I am unwillingly ready to move home now. I hate that it is coming to that. Because I don't want to move home. Ever. But I really don't think that this is working and if I have any hope of not destroying the rest of my life...I think I need to go home.

So I give up. Instead of trying so hard to make this happy, I am going to devote my time to figuring out how we get home as quickly as possible and with the least amount of loss as possible.

In other news....

My cat relapsed and now no one knows what to do to try to get his mouth thing under control so he can eat and not waste away.

Big storms yesterday...left us without power for about 18 hours. Lovely. I made coffee in a fondue pot over a candle today.

And when the power finally came back...two of our breakers or whatever are not working. So we don't have a stove, oven, washer, dryer, water heater or beer fridge. Also...this means we have to have electricians come in here...which means weeks of people in my house again. And also means we have to somehow get in contact with the fucker that owns this house and that is always drama. Drama.

Leaving for Cambridge on Friday morning. I've been having airplane anxiety for the last 12 days. I suck. I am excited though, if I survive. Because being in the U.K. means that not only can I ask for things and not think every sentence through a billion times in my head first...but I can also buy things that you can get in civilized countries. Like herbs and spices. And brown sugar. AND...I will be eating Indian food for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

It is worm and slug season here again. I like that I have been here long enough now to recognize that.

Strange bugs on my tomato plants. They are the exact color of a green tomato but they look like really tiny toads with insect legs.

I bought two really awesome skirts this week. They are skirts that I will wear to shreds. It's just about time for new skirts like that too because the one I bought fourteen years ago is almost a rag now. I might start sewing my shredded skirts together for my future shroud.

The storm last night was really loud. When we moved here I was actually kind of excited that I wouldn't have to deal with scary thunderstorms anymore. (I was basing that assumption on the fact that Paris always had these really beautiful, almost peaceful thunderstorms that we anything but scary.) But storms here are almost as scary as Michigan storms. When it rains here it doesn't rain in drops or anything like drops. It rains like a a giant hose has been turned on in a cloud. Rain here drowns everything in about half an hour.

We've been on a "diet" for a couple weeks now and I haven't lost any of my Spanish ten pounds and that pisses me off. This is another reason I should move home. Because I don't even like the food here why the hell should I gain weight? I would be happy with my ten pounds (because it doesn't hurt me really, in fact, my ten pounds might be healthy for me) if I at least gained it from food that I enjoy. I do like a couple cheeses here...but I eat cheese in Michigan. And olives, and olive oil. So there is no reason for my weight gain.

I am not tired right now. Because I am sad, mad, scared and my feet feel dirty.

But I should probably go to bed because the fucking stupid ass crap fucker contruction shits show up at 7:15am across the street and start hammering. I HATE THEM. THEY HAVE BEEN HERE FOR MONTHS AND MONTHS NOW AND I AM READY FOR THEM TO BE DONE. I HATE THEM. AND ACROSS THE STREET WHERE I LIVE MEANS FIVE FEET AWAY. LITERALLY. THEY ARE POUNDING AT SEVEN IN THE MORNING FIVE FEET AWAY FROM MY SLEEPING HEAD. THEY SHOULD FUCK OFF. (the worst thing is that they start at 7:15 and work until about nine...when I am good and awake and annoyed...and then they go to breakfast for an you know...why not start at 8:15? Or something more reasonable? Please???)



I give up.


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