2006-08-30 - 4:30 p.m.


All I have to do today is to go into town and return movies and possibly go to the store to get something for dinner.

That is all.

And I knew I had to do this woke up and totally pissed around all day. Not doing anything else because I was trying to get ready to go into town. So. I've accomplished NOTHING today. At all. Except getting some more pictures added to my albums. Pathetic. Waste. Of. A. Day.

My ticket to Italy was purchased today. I am flying Iberia. I've never flown Iberia and that makes me nervous. Flying makes me nervous in general...but flying an airline I have never flown with makes me even more nervous. Remember when our tickets to move here were purchased and I refused to use them because they were on an airline I hadn't flown overseas on and because there was a connection in an airport I had never been to? And they had to cancel those tickets and get us new ones on Northwest? That was funny. Anyway...this whole trip to Italy just keeps getting more and more stressful for me. First of all...part of the package thing says, "transportation to and from Lake Garda". Which led me to assume that we would have people getting us from the airport. But no. We have to fend for ourselves getting from the airport to the hotel they booked for us in Milan the first night. A taxi that far costs about 75euros and I could take the train...but fuck. I don't take trains with luggage. Anyway...I think it's kind of shitty. We are paying a lot of money to go on this trip and having to pay a stupid amount for a taxi kind of pisses me off. But...I was dealing with that. Then yesterday I paid the remaining balance and I paid an extra $300 for a single room. I don't want to share. Who would? So after I pay I get this e-mail that says that they were unfortunately unable to get us single rooms for the first night so we will be paired with a roommate. Which is bullshit. I wish that they would have just told us that we had to be in Milan by 1:30 pm on Sunday instead of arriving Saturday and staying in a hotel with strangers and then leaving the next day for Lake Garda. Or shit...given us the option to find our own hotels for the first night. Anyway. Boo. I have to take a taxi ride that will cost almost as much as my plane ticket did and I have to share a room with someone for one night. Boo boo.

I am missing a lot of communication lately. I have no desire whatsoever to get on the telephone. At all. I am beginning to really hate the telephone. But I really want to talk to my grandparents and my brothers (even though neither of them seems any more keen to talk on the telephone than I am) and of course my mother. And I want/need to call my old vet still to get records for my cats. I've been needing/wanting to do that since I arrived here. And I need to call my friend Amy and I want to call my friend Nicole. I don't even like e-mail anymore. Or instant messenger. I feel, more than I have ever felt before, as though I really want to completely disconnect for a while. I envy my brother for that once when he took off for a long time without really telling anyone where he was. I didn't like it when he did it and I would never pull it off because I worry too much...but I can completely understand where he might have been coming from when he did that.

Yesterday I was informed that one of Eric's friends hasn't come here to visit us yet (even though we have invited her and she lives not so terribly far away in France) because she is "intimidated" by me. When I first heard this I have to admit that my first instinct was to kind of puff up with pride...imagine, ME, intimidating! But I quickly realized that there was no way she thought I was intimidating in the way I define intimidating. She is intimidated because she thinks I don't like to have guests here. Which is partly true. I mean, I like people to come and visit as long as I can still do my own thing. The guests that stress me out are people that I don't know so well and who I feel I have to talk constantly to. It doesn't stress me out to leave my brother or even Amy to do their own thing for a while. But...for instance, when Eric's boss was here with his family I felt as though I needed to always be present. Hard to explain...but yes, having guests that are not my best friends or my family indeed stresses me out. But that doesn't mean that I don't want them to come here. I want everyone to be able to share the fantasticness of our house and of Sitges. Anyway...I wish I were intimidating. That would be cool.

I think I am not going to take those movies back. And I don't need dinner. I should have just decided this this morning so I didn't need to waste a whole day.

I am such a moron.


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