2006-07-17 - 12:24 p.m.

I am terribly impressed with ants.

Cute rolly bugs...I am starting to dislike.

I've been full of dread for the past couple weeks. About death. I haven't figured out yet if this dread is a dread of my own death or a dread of death of loved ones. All I know is that the dread is making feel as though death is close by. I have not had the death dread in a long time.

Yesterday my neighbors played the bongo drums all day long. And sang some chant like stuff.

This is my to-do list for today. Paint candle wall. Wash bedding in Alex and Smitty rooms*. Laundry. Tidy-up the porches. Make mushroom tart. Weed garden. Turnover nasty spot**. Gym. Shave legs. Wash hair. Sleep.

*We have so many bedrooms and so few people living here that I have to name the rooms. We have Alex, Smitty and Jasmine. Jasmine used to be Bear's room...but we had to lock the cats out of there because when I was in the States in February one of the cats peed on the bed. Now it is Jasmine because it is the room where the jasmine grows in front of the window. Jasmine, by the way, does not smell good in the heat.

**Nasty spot is a place outside where my cats and I am sure other neighborhood cats, poop.

Today potential buyers are visiting the plant where Eric works. It is a German company, the one that is probably going to buy the company Eric works for. I would like to move to Germany. I have never been to Germany. But I really want to move there. Because I enjoyed Austria. And because I love German bread and beer. And I always adore German people. And...Germany has cold weather!! And German was the first foreign language I ever learned. Okay, I can only count and greet people...but still. Mrs. Froelich came to our fifth grade class a couple times a week for a month. She was the mother of a kid in my class. She was directly from Germany. She didn't speak English very well. Later that same year her son infected our fifth grade class with head lice. That was fun.

I hit my head really hard on the corner of my computer last week. It still hurts and there is still a rather large bump there.

I painted my fingernails this weekend. They are already chipped. I used to paint my fingernails EVERY OTHER DAY!! Mostly because I was a bartender and my hands were always in water and my fingernails would peel very easily if I didn't keep them painted. Now I keep them short so it doesn't matter if they peel.

My husband is going to Ibiza on Tuesday. He has always wanted to go there and I am proud of him for actually doing it. Even though I don't particularly want him to go.

Yes, he has been begging me to go with him...but I have no desire to go there. At all. I would probably have to shoot myself after an hour there.

Yesterday we researched bees and wasps trying to figure out which one we have here in our yard. I always say I got stung by a bee, Eric always says I got stung by a wasp. I think he might be the correct one. I think they are wasps. I just say bee because they are yellow and black and I always associate wasps with the big nasty looking wasps we had at my childhood home. Anyway, we still haven't figured it out...bee or wasp. All I know is that yesterday I found the biggest beetle I have ever seen under the wood pile and now I should go look that up. Make sure it isn't something that will eat me.

I am not particularly motivated today. But I want to be so that on Wednesday I can do N-O-T-H-I-N-G. I need to relax before this fucking stupid fiesta weekend. FUCK. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE RAIN ALL WEEKEND!!! Even Eric is dreading this thing. And he is Mr. Party.

I just stirred my coffee with the end of my pen. That's kind of gross.

That is all.


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